1 Wedding and a Haggis

I have tae tell yea of the Wolves Star Chamber that I did visit on the 13^th Day of February 1099. As yae may know a certain young lassie in the Wolves faction, called Freya Granel, who also happens tae be a Sheriff of Norsca, took a shine tae yon war Chieftain. It also happened tae be the case that she was in the process of being betrothed to all and anyone frae amongst yon Wolves who fancied their chances. But archbishop Jihad had decided tae use that opportunity to get rid of his enemies by setting a series of tests that would tak place at the moot and would no doubt be likely to prove fatal to the person being tested. I thought this tae be a bit severe and o’ course I rather like Freya mysel’, despite choosing Hazel over her last summer. By the way Hazel was most reasonable about it, as she understands the reasons behind it which I will explain in a wee minute. So Freya and I got wed at this wee gathering, mainly because it would stop Jihad’s silly games. Also it makes me related to the Wolves, and due tae the fact that Freya is somehow related to the Morghuns, I’m also related to members o’ the Dragons. Which mak’s it one hell o’ a political marriage.

However all did not go as smoothly as we hoped. Some ancestor o’ the wolves appeared in the ritual circle, called jezreal I think, and chased everyone awa’. He frighted them all, and I was left standing there all on ma ain. So I did wha’ all good war chiefs wid dae, I laughed at him insulted him in broad Caledonian terms o’ course. His reaction was tae cast a magic spell on me that seemed tae knock all o’ ma strength from all o’ ma limbs at the once. After Freya healed me I returned tae the ritual circle where the great red ponce was poncing aroond like big hard magical beings do. So I again Insulted him in the appropriate fashion, this time lifting ma kilt at him both front and back in insulting Caledonian fashion. His reaction was tae strike me dumb. So I could’nae speak for a wee while. I left him alone after that in order to waste nae more drinking time.

Then came the time o’ our wedding and Jihad came and did the ceremony, which was very understanding o’ him. All went well as far as exchanging vows went, but then Freya produce a copy o’ a letter that I once sent tae Tom Finn. Now yea may ask as tae why I was sending letters to the deed one, especially efter he was deed. It was all part o’ a plan that me ‘n Arcane and Gunnar cooked up tae get Maar’s forces tae help us at Malar to fight Golgomoth or that undeed fellow who attacked malar. After that we were then going tae turn aroond and twat Maar and the remnants o’ his army, it was a subterfuge yae see. So Freya read this oot and I tried tea explain and wha’ wi’ all the drink and me being the only Bear in Norsca and having bin bitten by a werehaggis I just turned right back in tae a haggis agin ma will. There was a wee bit o’ shock and consternation tae say the least. But when I turned back tae mysel’ I was in Freya’s arms, (which was nice) and all seemed tae be all right.

After that we were wed properly and then the revels continued. Although I have tae say it was no a very guid party, especially when compared tae the Haggis hunt. Anyway Freya went off tae talk aboot Norscan law and I had a drink, and tha’ was it really. I left very early in the morning. There was however some agreement o’er the fate of Davydd. As Tic Toc was the Bridesmaid, or an equally ugly half orc. Freya used Tic-Tocs hat as a kind of bridal bouquet and threw it o’er her shoulder at the conclusion o’ the ceremony. I organized a couple of the Morghuns tae catch it and they said they would give it back tae me and I could exchange it for Davydd. But in the end the seemed unwilling tae let it go and I’m still no sure as tae the present situation aboot that.

Anyway all I can say is that is was ok, but I hope that we have a much better party when I marry hazel in the summer. You’re all invited o’ course and we’ll have a grand celidh.

All the best, Craggy

Possible War with the Dragons?

I just thought you all ought to know - following a conversation with Queen Morrigan, I have made it very clear on the Ley that the Bears are very pissed off with the Dragons for a number of reasons. So if the excrement hits the fan, you'll know why.

There's more reasons too: As time goes on I intend to blame them for the Foamorii attacking us from Erin and anything else you care to offer. I intend there to be no doubt that we are going to be on opposite sides of at least an honour battle this year.

Dark Trade revealed

When attending the Unicorns Trade fair, eventually we arrived by ritual circle, no thanks to Teran for getting lost a bit on the way. Tristen finally stepped in and we appeared in Grin.

Next stop was the nearest tavern for a wee tankard and then on to greet Lady Adilana. The next couple of hours were pleasant as usual, eating drinking and etc!

Over the next few days things started to change though, it started with the ritual circle. According to Ritualists the circle was getting interference from another ritual circle. It turned out that two plains were trying to exist in the same space (Grin and a place in the Void). Rituals were imediately suspended and only transporting people in and out were allowed. Rituals were still tried and all failed producing a Ghoul everytime in the circle.

We were then attacked by Goblins, Orcs and Trolls wearing Green, Red and Grey bands. These were dealt with swiftly. However, black mirrors started to appear and attempts to steal the Horn of Plenty were tried via these.

It was found that we were in fact in the Void and that a Lady dealing with Dark Trade was the person trying to steal the Horn. After some more attacks the Horn was successfully stolen. During this time several other creatures were seen and when attacked with any weapon of worth they disappeared with the weapon. These creatures were sent by Gluteny.

Two parties were then gathered together to retrieve the Horn and the lost weapon. The Horn was recovered but only some of the weapons lost were recovered with success.

Finally after all the problems, we all arose against this Dark Trade lady and defiated her (With the help of The Sporran of Fertility!). This had to be done to be able to escape the Void and return to Grin. Unfortunately bad news lay in store for Adilana, the Unicorns largest city had fallen to Dark Trade while she was away.

Clansmen in Focus

Name: Chunder McTaff

Personal Details: Short, Occasional eyepatch, father of two

Occupation: Chieftan, Ritualist, and Trader

Favourite colour: Gold

Favourite things: Brown paper packages tied up with string.

Least favourite things: Ex-high ambassadors, Ritual paperwork, Tax returns

Would most like to share a desert island with: Winners of best flock 98.

Would least like to share a desert island with: Dai McTaff, Lord Owen

Least endearing quality: My clan

Hobbies: Clubbing

Preferred weapon: Dylan & Cormac McTaff

Quote most likely to say: But I never!

Quote least likely to say: Faction items, faction items get em while they're hot.

Floris Brand left at G98,

SO HE COULD SPEND MORE TIME WRITING THE BULL!!

It's true, have you noticed the quality has improved since then?

Sporran of Fertility Arises again

While at the Unicorns trade fair the Sporran was used by Denzil, Carrot, Teran to fight off Dark Trade. Also at this event it was loaned to someone called Mead and a lady wolf …. We will just have to see what happens there, but we have heard of the curse placed on lady wolves that their first born would be still born and would serve someone!

Any further news will be forthcoming !

A Handsome Dark Prince

Meself and Denzil went and showed they Harts how tae party fer their Yule do and Ah thought ye'd all like tae know whit happened.

We got theer tae find oot thet they Harts are still havin' trouble keepin' themselves alive. They'd sent a bunch o' men oot tae find oot something or other (Ah think it was aboot the Hunter, but more o' that later). Anyways. These folk ended up tryin' tae deal wi' some sort o' snake demon. They didnae manage an' four o' them didnae come back.

That four included twae o' the Host as well as General Tarn, (one o' Hugo's main men) an' Taliesin.

The Dark Prince turns up half way through the evenin' tae get the answer tae his proposal o' marriage tae Queen Elspeth. She said nay, which he wasnae pleased with and had his men (some sort o' knights – Denzil would know) attack those gathered. They were fairly hard but got pummelled intae the groond. Thet was aboot it fer the fightin'.

Whit else.. Oh aye, Creamy turned up wi' Tic-Toc's hat, which went missin' at the same time as oor Laird Incantor at the Haggis Hunt. Me an' Denzil couldnae git him tae hand it over fer tradin' fer Dafydd, but Little Runt said he'd get it an' we could hae Dafydd back any time we wanted. He reckons as Tic-Toc has got bored wi' Dafydd's clammin' up an' refusin' tae say anythin' other than "No" tae his questions. In the end Freya wandered off wi' it an' claimed as she'd pass it on tae her "bridesmaid" at her weddin' tae Craggy in a couple o' weeks.

Other folks whae were there were Giuliano de Medici an some o' his cronies. dan'Arell Wibbett wi' a couple o' other Tuatha. Finn o' they last got a wee bit antsy when the Harts bigwigs started makin' announcements aboot theer problems. Didnae like the use of the word "fey" like, an' claimed they were nae blamin' "humans" fer the attacks in Ulster an' Dal Riada. Oh, bah the way.

The "Tomorrow Court" are very fast movin, but are bein' slowed down a wee bit by the Norscan Great Trolls as they've got in tow.

Denzil an' Hugo had a wee chat aboot "cross-border communications" after Chiefy woke up the other week tae find 2000 "Tomorrow Court" ootside his window.

Denzil sat doon as Royal Bard an' told a story aboot the time just afore the Cataclysm. A man name of Colar McDerwin an' a black dagger as was made fer the Foamori an' probably came frae Balar's tower. Ah'll try an' remember it sometime.

Anyways. Ah drank plenty o' their beer. Ate as much o' the ginger cake as Ah could an' got tae know a few folks rather better. Especially Mai- Ling an her ladies of the Bacchus Brothel an' Ah've been invited along tae their next do at Rutterkins Wood. Oh an' both Queen Elspeth an' Caterina wanted tae pass on theer best tae Mavis an' hope she got over the too many pies problem easily.

Carrot.

Oh Aye, neerly fergot - the Hunter. It seems as they're havin' problems talkin' to their ancestor. Elbrath o' the incantors was theer and had nae more success. It's got something tae do wi' this snake demon. Had some sort o' name like "Snaka" ifn Ah remember reet!

Haggis, Haggis every where & never one to Eat!

Make your own haggis

Ingedients

1 HedgeHog (Mind the pickles, also hedgehogs haven’t twigged the idea of running away yet but this might change)

Several Onions (this will be explained)

3 Tankards of Best Ale

1 Carrot (not Carrot McYokel - Ed) chopped finely (not mush, finely Roger – Ed)

Bunch of Brocolli (Not Brocolli McYokel either Roger, put her back! -Ed)

Carefully skin your hedgehog

(starting at the head and go backwards to make sure your fingers are intact).

Go outside and play Troll Ball with the Onions (enlist several friends for this job).

When nicely beaten to a pulp mix the onions with rest of vegetables (once you’ve chopped them obviously)

When done with this and hedgehog is gutted (Duh)

Take your sock (The one you’ve been wearing is fine) stuff all the above into it and stick into McWitches cauldron for half an hour or 3 halfs of a fight.

(Please note that McWitch cannot be held responsible if you put your haggis to cook in her cauldron if she is using it at the time - Ed).

Drink last tankard of ale.

Uncle Yargon’s Problem Page

Dear Uncle Yargon,

I seem to be having problems with women, every time I approach one they treat to me like a child…. What can I do.

Babe of Caledonia

Dear Flipper,

Well son, you are only come up to your 5^th Birthday. However, if you show them you can drink and fight like a man then you might get their attention and then you can tart like a man!… try it and see!

McThug or McBonk ?

Part3

Picture the scene; Chief Rompingrod discovers that he may have more children than he thought, deranged with grief at the prospect of the Blodwyn finding against him in another paternity suit he seeks solace with Garf the Barman in a barrel or two of ale. They stagger out of the tavern and Chief Romingrod asks his friend if he knows any "sure things", as he would like some of the other sort of solace now. Quick as a flash Garf, clearly very drunk points to a passing robed figure, in the morning Chief Romingrod is to be found nursing a hangover and sobbing into his beer. "I took Ravenhood’s maidenhood, I took Ravenhood’s maidhood"

Could it have been despair of this knowledge that caused the Chief to charge single-handedly into a cave full of trolls screaming, "Anyone who isn’t wearing a kilt is great big jessie, hack me to pieces and eat me for lunch if I’m not right!"

As to Chief Insulting McThug, I will leave it to others to write more of his life. Particularly in light of the fate of the last scribe to try and write an expose of his distasteful adventures and of the skin complaint that has periodically affected the McThugs since the time of his great great grandfather. The aforementioned scribe confronted the Chief in his favourite inn, who responded by drunkenly shouting, "It’s a lie, it’s a lie my father was a virgin! Now stand still so I can chop yer head off!"

The scribe fled unharmed, only to find his name on a death warrant signed by The Morrigan.

Rumours

Beware of the O’Donnells return…

Rumours have been circling about the O’Donnells. They vanished without a trace at the beginning of 1098, however, they have been sighted in Teutonia and at sea. I believe they are regathering their brothers and sisters….

Puppies everywhere

Accurding to a Master Healer Thorin gave birth at the Unicorns Trade fair but can not remember doing so, did it actual happen. What ever did the Healer was in a state afterwards…..

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