Since the publication of the last issue of the bull further revelations have come to light concerning Denzil McYokel and his alleged friendship with a Polar Bear. It would appear that his recent visit to the Wolf Call was not, as he claimed, for diplomatic purposes but was in fact so that he could continue his secret love affair with Gretel the Yeti (half yeti, half polar bear?) (hur hur). A question mark now also hangs over the claim that the wounds seen at The Gathering were as a result of a stampede. Could they instead simply have been the result of an over amorous love affair?

It all started unexpectedley when Cap'n Ahab of the Trelawnies asked if I would like to look around his ship the Millenium Pigeon IIXX. Whilst I was looking around the crew quarters the mooring rope somehow slipped free and we ended up sailing off into the sunset.

During the voyage we came across what I think were Unicorn trade ships.

Cap'n Ahab and his crew generously offered to help the freighters carry their cargo back to dry land. Unfortunately though, the trading ships got lost on the return journey and we never saw them again.

All in all it was a great adventure in which I learnt a lot of new stuff, Blistering Barnacles its time for dinner already, got to go

Byeee, Dafydd

At the OGC Tigger McPooh returned to the Bears fold after much worry….looking almost who usual self. After a change of clothes from Roo, she was back to her beautiful self! Though she went a bit weird later on when the Hive came around, but she’s much better now!

Food was bleemin good and lots ov drink to go around too…. But the Haggis replacement was no good at all! Lord Cain we thank you but get a Haggis next time!!!!

The white hand group showed it face by trying to assassinate Lord Gunnar of the Wolves but failed even with a special crossbow bolt.

Several people saw carved names in the walls regarding two ghosts that where wondering around but other people could not see the names when shown. In the end someone was attacked with a certain dagger to release these poor souls.

Ainsley nearly got married to TikTok’s skull, but gave Teran’s name. After trying to give the dowry to Teran with no success Ainsley returned the dowry…..Uneaten!

Name – Gathis in-Elar su-Tmir o-Talith

Personnel details – Big blue cloak and almost no hair; of variable temper – especially in the morning before coffee

Occupation – High Druid of the Black Isle and The Heartlands, Lord Druid of the Bears and advisor to the Queens.

(Apparently he’s not out for world domination! Well that’s what he said! -Ed)

Favourite Colour – What do you think!? Blue of course! - Though I have to say black leather is……..Oh, perhaps that should be the next bit?!

Favourite Things Druid Wine, long discussions on the nature of the cosmos. More Druid Wine. (and black leather presumably- Ed)

Least Favourite Things – People arguing with me. Running out of Druid Wine!

Would Most like to share a Desert Island with – That’s an entirely private fantasy!…………Who told you anyway? (But Eltha said that it’s true – Ed)

Would Least like to share a Desert Island with – Apprentice Mistress Druid Sarran McBlow……you don’t deliver this to The Black Isle yet do you? No? Good! Well, the memories I have of being an Apprentice under her, (Ohh Errr! - Ed) still make me shiver. And she could talk the hind legs (and a few other appendages!) off a herd of donkeys; but worst of all she hogs the Druid Wine!!

Least Endearing Quality – I don’t have any do I?

Hobbies Preferred weapon – Politics and sp…..Oh, er….I mean: The gathering of information for the betterment of all People

Quote Most Likely to Say – Morning:….."…..Uurrrghhmpff…..COFFEE!!"

Evening:…."…..Where’s that Sarran hidden my Druid Wine now??"

Quote Least Likely to Say – "Druid Sarran, would you hold the key to my chest of Druid Wine for a moment please?"

What am I to do? Now that Breaca is a Queenie they're all scary. I am desperate as I am running out of hiding places.

Dear Chaos

She’s not scary; she’s me Niece! Be sides, you should have plenty of dark places around the bears lands to hide!

Chief Nomadnob McThug, Chief Insulting’s grandfather, appears, at first glance, to be the white sheep of the family. He lived an apparent blameless and celibate life, running a small croft and sheep stud, whilst also managing to beget a son, Rompingrod, and, according to rumour, an unspecified number of daughters, who all disappeared after living with their Chief Nomadnob for the first week of their lives. Possible explanations for these strange rumours only become apparent when one considers two further hitherto unconnected rumours about the chief. First it is alleged that Chief Nomadnog’s small croft had been built over a secret entrance to the underdark. Secondly, a former drinking companion of the chief’d died horribly at the hands of drow assassins. His crime was to stagger up to two drow females in a drunken stupor and slur at them, " I know you, my good friend McThug has a portrait of each of you, they’ve got pride of place on the chimney breast, you must know him really well!"

And who were these two drow females? None other than High Mage Xixxix Vscphy and Matron Mother Dallashandra Deville! I leave it up to readers to draw their own conclusions.

But, of course, we already know that the McThugs have been on good terms with the Drow for many years. After all whenever the Drow fight on the same side as the Bears, who is it who ensures that on the battlefield no Bears, in a bit of bloodlust, attack their one time enermies the drow? None other than Chief Insulting McThug. And is the Chief not married to Loremaster Rhiona De Lacey. Who was also married to the mysteriously disappeared Matron Mother D’Marakai and is he also happy, not only to welcome Matron Mother Mitzi McDrew into Clan Orthos, but in the absence of his leader Mangus Mangusson, to take orders from her! Once more, I leave readers to draw their own conclusions.

Chief Insulting’s friendship with and frequent visits to the drunken rabble known as Sleive Galleon of the Dragons are apparently due to the behaviour of his father, Chief Rompingrod McThug. Chief Romingrod was allegedly very, very, very close to the great Caledonian beauty Helen McFail; could it be that Chief Insulting and her son Siddia El Nathrach are more than just acquantances?

Their nasal bone structure, earlobes and hair colouring are stikingly similar. This reporters attention has also been drawn to the case of Kieran and Dougal McLoud, who left Caledonia with indecent haste never to return and refuse ever to wear tartan again due to a past family embarassment! Chief Rompingrad was a very close friend of their mothers, so I think we know what the embarassment was and just why this particular McThug was drunk in the territory of the Dragons on the night of the Ravenhood incident.

In response to the allegations of stealing faction items, I have not stolen anything. The two shields in question were enchanted by myself at the moots; I do not appreciate accusations of theft from my own faction. However given the harassment my clan has endured for the last few months, it would not surprise me to see Malice turn up for the haggis hunt.

I will try to be reasonable about your comments in the most recent edition of the McYokel Bull, despite your tone, which I could take as a personal insult, not to mention an insult to the Queens themselves.

It is apparent to me that you do not understand the nature of the Knights of the Queens' fianna.

In their infinite wisdom, the Royal Ladies have chosen those who excel in their own field from amongst the ranks of the clans. In order to become a Knight, I have served the Queens for twenty years as a loyal clansman, and for two years as a Squire, proving myself worthy to my Knight, who was Hamish McLoony. He then recommended that I was a suitable candidate for Knighthood. The Queens, acting on his advice and their own goddess inspired wisdom, saw fit to elevate me to my current high rank. Further, prior to last year's Gathering, their Majesties chose to have the members of their personal warband, who most know as "the Knights", oversee the internal security of Caledonia. To ensure that this could be done, their Majesties granted to the Knights of their fianna powers to punish those from amongst the clans who endangered that security.

We are not in general, users of magic, although there exist’s no barriers to one of that way in clind to becoming a Knight. We have no magical vision and cannot therefore see all crimes committed upon Caledonian soil. Therefore, as a loyal servant of the Queens, I admonish you, inform us. Where crime has been committed, tell us. Where wrong has been done, we will do what we may to right that wrong.

In your "article" you criticise "the Knights" for not acting on three points.

One of these three involved the abduction of a Caledonian by members of a foreign power. Now this act is foul, indeed, but if the Knights, who at full strength number sixteen, doughty warriors thought they be, wage war upon a faction in it's entirety, we (probably) will not win. This is a matter for diplomacy, for negotiation, for a special group to look in to, or, possibly, for war. I tell you now, since I have been informed of the act, I will look into what can be done.

Of the other two crimes reported in your article, these are most certainly within the authority of the fianna. I will make some inquiries and endeavour to deal with the matters.

You should however note, not all of the activities of the Knights can be made public. While you may think we have been inactive, things occur beyond your ken.

Lastly, I say to you that your open criticism of the members of the council of Knights of the Queens' fianna is disruptive and potentially dangerous to the security of our lands. If the people of Caledonia did not respect the members of the fianna, it would be little less than tyranny for the Queens to use us to impose their wills upon the people. We act together, to make Caledonia strong, to protect those few amongst us who cannot protect themselves, and to right wrongs. In this you, and all the peoples of Caledonia, whatever their gender or race, must assist the Knights, and not act in such an irresponsible manner as to undermine their goddess given authority. I will overlook one transgression. Do not act in this manner again.

Anyone with information about any crimes, especially those mentioned, may contact me by sending a message to the Queens' residence at Loch Twatem. (Tony Taylor, 18, Thornydyke Avenue, Bolton, BL1 7EN)

High King News

After the return of the High King at the Moots/Gathering there was an annoncement. However, rumours are mounting that he maybe an imposter. However on being questioned he just sat there and made funny noises at this reporter.

I suggest we have a good old party at the Hogmany Haggis Hunt to welcome his return!

Last thing that was heard was at the Heartland games when Golgermoth destroyed the Unliving Thomas Finn and then was heard saying "Now for Maar".

Any news on the wear abouts of this Demon or even what happened after that would be much appreciated.

As a newcomer to the shores of Caledonia, I have a little problem with my cre… I mean friends. It seems that they have decided to find other positions with the locals rather than good honest Pirat…. Sea faring ways. I over looked it, until it was pay day and the little Bas.. fellows gave their cash back to me for a rainy day. Now what sort of attiude is that? Anyway seeing as my boss has lost ‘is bleedin’ mind (In a Tent!) I have decided to retire, nicked the Ship and beached it & opened me own pub. With an excellent selection of Ales and lavish sleeping hammocks, (parties welcome), met a lovely young lady who has a tendency to go for really long swims now and again. What should I do..?

Well, learn quickly how to swim and catch her in ya wee net. Also do what the Bears do best, which is, having a good Party….with your friends of course!

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