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News Just InBears:Denzil seen making peace with a Polar Bear at Wolfs Call. The chief of the McYokels, who at the Gathering appeared with terrible wounds to the sides of his head having been caught in an alleged stampede of polar bears, was seen by witnesses to have hugged the polar bear and give his assurances that he would not pursue the matter any further. It would appear to this reporter that the former head of the Storm Bulls may be getting soft since he became a father and chieftain. Oi McTaff..... Where's your shield gone????? It has come to the attention of this paper that a number of shields, blessed by celtic ancestors, have vanished from the armoury of the McTaffs. Chunder McTaff was unavailable for comment when I went to ask him about accusations of illegal arms deals and selling faction property to the Lions. Missing one Laird Incantor. If found please return to Caledonia. Daffydd McTaff, Laird Incantor of the Bears was last seen a few weeks ago in the harbour town of Stranraer on the West coast of Caledonia. Reports have him leaving a tavern near the docks in the company of a number of strange accented individuals who all wore a yellow tartan (similar to the Trellawnys) and heading down a dark alleyway. The good ship, Millennium Pigeon, was later seen making a speedy departure and has not been reported in any Caledonian harbour since. Any information should be sent to this paper, the Knights or directly to the Queens. Vipers:Shag Nasty throws Trollish tantrum!!!! King Gustav of Teutonia has more than enough problems at the moment with the Hive, and Vlad Tepes and his impalers but, to top it all, Shag of the Rancid Tusks is rumoured to be crying like a baby over his lost plaything. Yes that's right readers, the respected Tail Lashing half troll has refused to come out of his tent ever since Tigger McPooh went missing in action at the battle of Poznan in Teutonia. Instead of getting her back the big green softy has been sulking in his tent and has been heard to cry "I want my Tigger.......waaaaahhhhh". Wolves:King Gunnar in hurdle training. The wolfs camp was sent into chaos outside the City of Malar the other weekend as the ever unpopular Demon of Taxation made an unexpected audit. Gunnar and other members of the Wolfs command, as well as certain Harts, such as Elidure, were seen sprinting away from the area. King Gunnar was seen to magnificently vault a small perimeter fence before hiding in the nearby undergrowth. When asked why, he is reported to have said that he wants to go to Valhalla when he dies and to do that he needs a sword in his hand. Rumour has it that the demon was invited by an individual that had had his rank and position striped from him that morning and thought that Gunnar should have his items and possessions stripped too! Who is Editor McYokel?It has come to the attention of this reporter that Editor McYokel may not be in fact who he says he is! I am hoping that I can place this in the next issue of the McYokel Bull just before printing, so he does not see this until it is too late! Several people have actual meet him but no one can agree to exactly what he looks like. Some say old and some say other things. When asked if an artist could draw a picture for the next issue of the McYokel Bull, Editor declined quickly via messenger, unfortunately printed and not hand written. If you have any information you can contact me at the Bar. Gotcha : McThug ? or should that be McBonk ! Exposed at last: The shocking History of the Clan McThug In recent times the world of refined diplomacy has been sullied by the arrival on the political scene of one Chief Insulting McThug. What personal services this drunken licentious delinquent ex-headsmen might have performed for Queen Morrigan to lead her to promote him to the post of Ambassador good taste prevents me from suggesting. But Chief Insulting McThug is not the first Chief of Clan McThug to be steeped in infamy. The Chief’s great great grandfather, Chief Screwinuts McThug, infamously got his entire clan massacred by a huge goblin army after seducing the goblin king’s innocent virginal daughter and, allegedly, getting her pregnant; it gives one nightmares to think what horrific progeny such a union may have produced!
Since this time the members of Clan McThug have been few, but very active! Indeed, it is rumoured that, following a particularly raucous night of carousing with those equally notorious villians Captains Black Rose and Rees Cocksure, Chief Insulting McThug developed similar tastes to those of his debauched forebear. The Chiefs great granfather, Chief Humping McThug, was at least able to confine his lustful conquests to human females. His great grandson’s appointment to the post of Bears Ambassador to the Unicorns has lead to speculation that about the extended periods Chief Humping spent as a guest of several of the then members of the Unicorns faction. Apparently numbered amongst these were the ancestors of the none other than the noble Marquis Grendell (the Marquis is said to have personally invited Chief Insulting McThug to his wedding in 1097 in spite of the dispute, then still festering, over the insignificant hamlet of Rockholm). Attention has been drawn to the similarities in both physical appearance and intemperate character to the fearsome Unicorns war leader, Kormac; as to the relationship between Chief Insulting McThug and Captains Black Rose and Rees Cocksure, a drinking companion of theirs. Marvelling at how well they got on declared himself amazed that three such friends were not related. According to a leaked militia report the Chief then drew his axe "because it was chaffing against his side, slipped on some spilled beer, and accidently dropped his axe on the man’s head"; the two Captains, both members of the militia, corroborated the Chief’s story. Continues next month ! Top Ten Reasons for Joining the Dragons
Clansmen in Focus
Name - Chief Insulting McThug Personnel details - Large two horned hat (RED), large beard & a member of the clan Orthos of the Orkneyjar Bears. Occupation – Chiefy of Clan McThug, Blood oath servant to the Morrigan, Ambassador to the Unicorns, Performer of marriages, executioner/ heads man (retd). Favourite Colour – Clarate – Orkneyjar talisman colour Favourite Things – Fetish McYokel, Me wife says it’s fine… Beer, blood, killing & INSULTING…. But I’m not allowed to do that any more. Serving the Morrigan. Least Favourite Things - Peace! Lord Arcane as he did not offer beer at the stag night. Anybody insulting the Morrigan. Would Most like to share a Desert Island with –Fetish McYokel! Would Least like to share a Desert Island with – No one, but possibly Arcane because of no Beer, then I could kill him for it. Least Endearing Quality – "Matchmaker" – MacSnaga Hobbies – Killing, drinking, Fetish McYokel – collecting money to buy her …. Killing & killing. Preferred weapon – Charging & surprise…. Screaming & etc Quote Most Likely to Say - I’m an Ambassador, why don’t you treat me with respect & give me some beer you horrible "Kymrjan" dragons or Kill kill blood! Kill kill slaughter. Quote Least Likely to Say - Thank you Arcane for the beer.
Uncle Yargon’s Problem PageDear Uncle Yargon, Lately I’ve been worried about some of the youngsters in my clan. My sheepdog is being chased by a Nutter, my youngest daughter has started healing men in strange places and her sister keeps capturing drow for "Interrogation". On top of that some lovesick dragon woman is threatening to kidnap my nephew. I have a feeling the Clan brewers done something to the Beer! Concerned Chieftan
Dear Chunder McTaff, Well, according to Teran your Clan Brewer did win the brewing competition at the Gathering, so he must be doing somwthing right! My advice would be for the rest of them to start to restrict the Alcohol intake from day to day life and …. Hang on where Bears, that obviously is not the problem! I usually only have to advise for one person not a whole clan ! ….. Ahhhhh Overload……!!!!! (At this point Yargon went for wee lye down, hopefully more problems next week if he is up for it – Ed)
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Gossip ColumnRumour has it that at a recent gathering of the Incantor's Guild at Pallingard a staggering 80% ... yes ; read it again ... 80% of the attending guests were tee-total! Apart for confirming some of the things we've been saying about the incantors for ages it serves them right for inviting the Dragons! ( Wasn’t Hernguard the Incantors event thought? I will let the readers deduce from the facts I think! –Ed)Law & DisorderAren't you glad that the Knights are enforcing the law nowadays? Why since the codification of this glorious system at this year's Gathering of Nations there's been virtually no crime in Caledonia! How then do you explain the following rumours? - Members of Clan McTaff have stolen faction magical items and sold them to a group within the Lions! - The Vipers have taken the Queens' Jester from Caledonian soil by force of arms! - The Queens' Laird Incantor has been forcefully abducted by the Trelawys and not seen for a couple of months now! Of course I imagine the knights were very busy whilst all this was going on ... probably arresting people for standing in the wrong place, criticising the knights, serving haggis on the wrong day or some other similarly serious threat to Caledonian security. Far too busy to actually prevent or punish real crimes against the Queens or their appointed officials. When will the Knights stop simply abusing their powers and actually serve the people who they were appointed to protect? Author’s Name Withheld
This Paper was brought to you by Editor McYokel: - With Contributions by:
Address to contact if you would like to contribute to the paper all contributions will be welcome not only from clan members McYokel Bull, 11 Rupert Rd, Newbury, Berkshire
RG14 7EQ
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