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HernGuard ripped apart with Natural Disaster!Last weekend and a natural disaster hit HernGuard with no warning. Teran McYokel was there with the Incantors guild to witness it. "A it hit most of the Evlen population ran in every direction, but all their lives were taken in minutes of it hitting. Winds were like small daggers, ripping at everything, and the rain would not stop. Everyone attending mananged to escape with their own lives but the where abouts of Lord HernGuard at this present time is unknown". Missing
Tigger McPooh We have exclusive entries from her secret diaries, read all about it. Shenanigan’s StoryIt all started at "Nights Dawn". The spirit of the Blodwyn could not enter the plane of the unliving; so for the first time in 3 years, I was Shenanigan McDroo. I discovered that I liked being me. I could look at men for a start and think "yummy, nice bottom". As the Blodwyn, I could only think, "he’s quite fluffy, in a cuddly wuddly way!" When the spirit of the Blodwyn returned I tried desperately to cling onto my own identity. I tried pushing her out, but she didn’t want to go. This is what was causing all the Queens to go a bit funny. When I was trying to push her out, her spirit was pushing into the other Queenies and disrupting their powers. Then when the Blodwyn returned, some of their powers were coming with her. By the Gathering I felt like I was possessed. In a last bid to get me to stay as Blodwyn’s host, she got me to wear flower on my face & glitter in my hair. As if that would convince me! Suddenly I had a winning plan, I started to interview potential host bodies, "look Blodwyn, they’re lovely, take them!" Breaca seemed the ideal choice. At the last muster, I gathered all my strength & drove the spirit out with harsh words. I know, people thought I was shouting at the other Queenies, but I wasn’t. Distressed the spirit left & dove into Breaca. I feel mean for being nasty to the Blodwyn, although she did forgive me, as she was leaving. The Blodwyn and I did have good fun together. Especially on the last night when the McFinn’s, Jock and I blagged our way into every faction command tent, every guild and even the prison. The funniest bit was when we tried to get in through the dragon’s gate guard & Dougie McFinn was slightly in front of us. The main group was challenged & Dougie said, "it’s all right I know them" and they let us in! At the Vipers camp, just as we arrived, Baron Saturday lent over the ramparts & said, "Quick, everyone in, or we’ll consider you enemies". We knew he was talking to the other Vipers, but we went for it anyway! Anyway, I just like to say thanks to everyone. All my guards who had to put up with me losing them, and anyone who ever given me a drink. I off now to work my way though men. Any interested parties please apply promptly, as I’m seriously considering taking up Dougie Mcfinn’s offer of marriage. Shenanigan McDroo
LettersTo Anon of the Dragons
Had any of the Bears been attacking members of the Dragons faction don’t you think either Lord Ash, Lord Arcane or Paddy The Black, leader of Slieve, would have protested to me about it. It’s not as if I’m going to go unnoticed, standing in the middle of their troops clutching the Bears battle standard, is it!
I hope that’s got that cleared up Chief Insulting McThug, Bears Ambassador to the Unicorns, Performer of Weddings, Headsman to the Gentry (Retd). Evil Faerie Stories - An ApologyWe'd like to apologise to anyone who was looking forward to another story from Ash's "Big Book of Bad Faerie Stories". We were intending to publish something about the Scouts Guild however we don't seem to be able to find enough material. After some careful investigation of the situation it is suspected that all distinctive traces of the Scouts have vanished up their own (That's quite enough of that! - Ed). Clansmen in Focus
Name – Sir Fuckoff McTwattum Personnel details – 6FT + Plume & far too much tartan Features – Apart from the plume, obscenely bad Celtic accent…. Oh and now not Impotent ! Occupation – Knight of the Boar Favourite Colour – McTwattum Tartan – what else !!! Favourite Things – Beer, Battle, Not being Impotent. Lady Bronwyn ! Least Favourite Things – No Beer & over flowing bogs ! Would Most like to share a Desert Island with – Beer tent … with Bronwyn as the serving wench Would Least like to share a Desert Island with – Empty Beer tent or lord Corvas …. Is a W**ker …. La la la la la Oh ! Least Endearing Quality – Arresting people Hobbies – Arresting people, being drunk, serving the 3 queenies … arresting drunk people…. ( He will have to arrest himself some times then ! – Ed). Preferred weapon – His sword, Oh & his head, Bum & what ever is handy! Quote Most Likely to Say – Your nicked sonny, report to the knights council after muster !
Uncle Yargon’s Problem PageDear Uncle Yargon, I seem to be losing fellow members of the One, what can I do? Lion Ritualist Dear Vorvidir, Next time don’t do such a ritual that makes them go BOOM!!!!!
Dear Uncle Yargon, At the Gathering of Nations this year I met a really nice celt that is new to our faction. He was really nice and took me on lots of nice walks and played lots of games with me. However me half brother (well sort of Brother) is being really overprotective and wants me to play with him all the time instead. So what do I do? Spot…. Penned by Lady Bronwyn .Dear Tess McTaff, Well, I have already advised your so-called brother to find another young lass from outside his own clan to play with. However, if you help in the search you may find one quicker. Perhaps McNutter has one in his clan that your brother would like. InterClan relations – Love it! Bears Take Nottingham
Under personal invitation from the Sheriff of Nottingham, a large group of Bears, including myself, all 3 Queens (with only ONE bodyguard between them - Ed) and several Knights attended a banquet in old the Sherriff’s mansion. The excuse for the party was a celebration of the birthday of Feargus McBain, Kinght of the Boar. Many folk of Albion were there, apparently uninformed that we were to be there. They were expecting a quiet formal banquet – they were to be very disappointed. The evening had started in a typically celtish manner, with a number of celts including Sir F O MacTwatem, Feargus and myself cavorting through the streets of Notty in full celtic dress. Out of deference to the local militia, we left our weapons at home … well, most of them. A short stop at a hostelry built some 750 years ago got us in the mood, and once we reached the Sherriff’s mansion, the drink started to flow aplenty. Many landed gentry of Albion were there with strange names like John, Steve, Sharon and Tracy. The Sherriff, a much-despised man, started off the entertainment with a mock joust/horse race. Feargus and Teran took part, Teran going out in the first round (Loser!) and Feargus in the Grand Final. Serving wenches filled our tankards with regular supplies of beer, cunningly avoiding the Celts doing the Highland Fling (badly) all about them. The tyranny of the Sherriff was ended as some local hoodlum of dubious repute, Robin of the Hood, swung down from the balcony and bested the Sherriff in a duel. His jester provided fine entertainment with stilt walking, fire breathing, fire juggling and lying on a bed of 10" nails. After having some dainty woman stand on his chest while he was lying on a bed of nails, Ainsley McYokel (IN ARMOUR) volunteered to stand on him. After hearing that Ainsley weighed about 23 stone he had second thoughts, but with much Caledonian chearing he consented and took Ainsley’s full weight, big boots and all upon his bare chest. He survived too without so much as a drop of blood. The Sherriff seemed little concerned with our raucous activities, but his door henchmen (bouncers) seemed concerned that our little riot would get out of hand. The evening ended with a mass dance/brawl – poor Lament, he couldn’t dance what with his heavy leather armour, but a real celt, Ainsley, managed in all his! Still, never mind, I got to dance with the Morigan and lived to tell the tale. "Mephisto McSnaga, News at Glen, Sherwood Forest" Among those attending were:
A Letter from a ReaderDear editor, I would be sincerely grateful if you would publish this letter of thanks in your newsletter, as I was not able to thank those in person at the time. Last weekend my husband Cottis Erom was snatched from behind me as we were out walking, after seeking help from Lord HernGuards party, I would like to thank a few people. Firstly I would like to thank Lady Epona of the One, for her support and comfort over the time I was with her. Secondly my sincere gratitude to Lord HernGuard himself for his kindness, for sending out a search party and for keeping me up to date with any news. Most of all however I would like to extend thanks to Teran McYokel and the rest of the search party who bravely went out risking their own lives to bring me news of my beloved husband. I am "en dette" to you all. Yours most gratefully Tinnaer Erom
The Song Corner!Y R U Fey Young Celt - We know that you're only four, Young Celt - And bang your head on the door, We know - There's a reason you're strange You have got to be Fey
Da… da… da… da… da
We got to say to you Y R U Fey We got to say to you Y R U Fey
You've got pointy tipped ears You're a boy not a man But you've taken over our clan
Young Celt - You're gonna live a long time Young Celt - Unless you meet some cold iron We know there's a place you can hide For the rest of your life
Da… da… da… da… da
We got to say to you Y R U Fey We got to say to you Y R U Fey
You've got pointy tipped ears You're a boy not a man But you've taken over our clan
(Repeat)
Whilst bouncing through the 100 Acre Wood the other day, I suddenly got a headache and cam over all funny. When I woke up I was surrounded by a load of Vipers. Fleece of Sanctuary said that Shagnasty was feeling a bit off colour and wanted his plaything. For those of you not aware to the significance of this, Shag chose me as his plaything at the Gathering – which is not too bad, because I get lots of beer!!! After having a quick panic about who was going to look after my kids at such short notice and the fact that my lipstick was smudged during the whole ordeal, I was given plenty of beer and calmed down. Shagnasty did not come out to play that night, but the Vipers gave me a dry, warm and cosy place to sleep and believe it or not, looked after me really well – for a bunch of Orcs and gobos, and Pooh knows what else. I slept really deeply that night and awoke to find out that a race called Hive had attacked the camp and had made Shagnasty one of their own. Apparently, they are grey and have a collective intelligence. They refer to themselves as "our name is…" etc. Once you are touched by Hive you become one of them and they know what you know and vice versa. There are some forms of Hive who can merge you at range, but I did not find one of them! There was a lot of paranoia that the Hive now had PMS thanks to Shagnasty but no one wanted to get close enough to ask! I was also to learn that I had lost my spell casting ability. In fact, everyone had lost their strongest ability (i.e. Body Dev, etc) thanks to some bloke called Vlad draining power from the lands. Seeing as how each one of us was lacking in skills or powers, it seemed necessary to try and do something about it. They tried a Ritual to channel the power from the land into some shard they had. The Ritual Circle exploded with the ritual group inside and I joined in to help get them out as they were led bleeding in a sealed circle – we succeeded and took them all back to the Melnobs to get them healed back up. Their mission that morning was to try and get Shagnasty back (I’ll go into how a bit later on). They asked me if I would care to join them. I felt that I did not want to make enemies, and also that because of Shagnasty I had been treated better than I would have expected, so agreed to join the party. We wandered through the woods and could see Hive lurking around. I kept thinking I must be mad to be in this situation. They backed us into a corner and took Puka, Shagnasty’s wife. We were backed into one section of the woods where the Barrowites lived and did not take kindly to us barging in. As for what happened next, I don’t know, as I was hurt in the leg and arm and fell unconscious. I came round by being slapped by a greenskin and was able to bind my wounds. Lusiphur Malache, now a friend of mine, was killed.
I tried to find my way back to the Melnebonian Healing Building – this allows unlimited healing to all forma of Viper Healers – and was relieved that they healed me up so quickly. Yes, I accepted Dark Healing – but what would you have done in my situation!?!? Needless to say we did not find Shagnasty. More discussions were held as what they were going to do, when the Hive attacked again, with Shagnasty. We were able to take hime down, don’t ask me how, and it took 4 of us to get him to the Melnobs – he’s back safe and sound. Many others required use of the Healing Building during this attack and Hive were seen off. Puka was back also. Shagnasty was pleased to see me and has taken to wearing a chain which he let me lead him around on. Needless to say that Puka was not overly pleased and snatched it away. She had the cheek to push me away. So I fought back and what a fight it was. There wer fists and feet flying – no weapons – one and a half on one (well she is not small!!!), only to find Talon with the chain. I helped Puka to her feet and went to confront Talon. While Puka and Talon battled it out, I ran off with Shagnasty. He was now crowned us Bitches of Eastwick. I now have goblin respect and have called a truce with Puka and Talon, and I have agreed with Puka not to have his children (which, let’s face it, was not something that is likely to happen!!!). Now, obviously not being a Viper, there were many conversations, which went on out of earshot. For example, Shagnasty said that there was a ritual going on and they needed some muscle just in case. He asked me if I would like to join him. I still do not know what this ritual was for. All I do know is that we were transported to some rickerty old ritual circle, which broke when we did a ritual in it. There were loads of villagers around who spoke like Trellunys and who were infatuated with turnips. I did not recognise them and they said they have never been places I’d asked them about. They did keep asking if they could look at what was in the middle of the circle but we were not allowed to let them in. Many of us did not get a chance to look at the item that was created, not even my Shaggy-Waggy (as he is now affectionately known). The next thing I knew, the circle somehow righted itself and we were taken back to Teutonia and we went and got some more beer. When we were sat around the fire drinking and chatting. Vald and his impailers turned up; one of the impailers was Giz. He did not last for long as Shagnasty took him down. Puka got all upset and believed that he could be healed in the same way as Hive, but this is not so. For the rest of the evening things were quite quiet. We had wake for Lusipher. The mission for the next day was to go after Vald. Again, I am not sure why. All I know is that they have something he wants and vice versa. But I saw it as an excuse to go and hit things. Shagnasty wants "Tigger McPooh" to be their War Cry – Bless he’s so cute sometimes! I was honored to be asked to go undercover – disguised as the enermy to help out their healers. The plan was that if we were disgusied, we would not be attacked and could heal up "our men". This sounded like perfect mischief making opportunity to me so I agreed. Because of this, they gave me some potion that would give me back my spells. As the ingredients for this potion are scarce, some of the Vipers are still lacking in spells. The fact that they made me well before their own kind made me feel even more honoured. I do not know what was in the potion but it tasted awful – worse than honey – uukkk!! The only downside to this plan was that I had to take my wode off as the enermy did noy wear wode and this may just give the game away. As I quite like living, I gave in. So with the battle plan worked out, disguises on and a good luck hugs out the way, we’re off. If things do go horribly wrong, please know that although I did not choose to go to Teutonia, I could have left at anytime. I stayed as I saw this as the perfect opportunity to learn more about the Vipers and like what I learned. Fleece did what he did out of concern for a friend. Although all he had to do was ask, I hold no grudges against him, and will ask you to do the same. The Diary of Tristan.Two months have passed since the gathering of nations, and there is much to get used to. The Queens and Lord Yargon have pardoned my Lord Agravaine and I am even now feeling almost native. It is interesting the things that I remember about the days we spent together. I am not one for politics, I have no father; but still it was interesting to speak to the peoples from other factions and nations. The cold hatred, but yet the unquestioning love that flowed in their veins of my fellow man. Seeing Ainsley, catch, prepare and cook two haggis was interesting, but then to see him offer the meagre fair to Lords and Ladies from across the Edreja was a sign of generosity that we could all learn from. The magical power trapped within these lands is unbelievable. I remember the lessons taught to me as a child and even now feel the powers of this land fill me. Although I have not spoken much with the people of Caledonia before much about them impresses me. Their strength, honour, their love of their land and their Queens and their open hospitality. I hope that one day I may be able to call these lands home. Tristan.The Song Corner!Part Deux! In The Bear Camp
In The Bear Camp - The Queenies they do rule In the Bear Camp - With our tartan we look cool In the Bear Camp - We'll drink all ale and mead In the Bear Camp, In the Bear Camp
In The Bear Camp - Yargon does his stance In The Bear Camp - Mephisto's games of chance In The Bear Camp - Conor's wearing troos In The Bear Camp, In The Bear Camp In The Bear Camp - The Morrigan is fierce In The Bear Camp - Scafloc's losing spears In The Bear Camp - Rory's tackle out In The Bear Camp, In The Bear Camp
In The Bear Camp - The Blodwyn's gone and changed In The Bear Camp - Denzil is deranged In The Bear Camp - Tigger's playing fool In The Bear Camp, In The Bear Camp
In The Bear Camp - The Ceredwyn's gone blind In The Bear Camp - her taxes she will find In The Bear Camp - But not from me I hope In The Bear Camp, In The Bear Camp
In The Bear Camp - Editor's about In The Bear Camp - His identity will out In The Bear Camp - Terran's gone to ground In The Bear Camp, In The Bear Camp
We want you, we want you We want you just to bring your brew We want you, we want you We want you just to bring your brew
This Paper was brought to you by Editor McYokel: - With Contributions by:
Address to contact if you would like to contribute to the paper all contributions will be welcome not only from clan members McYokel Bull, 11 Rupert Rd, Newbury, Berkshire
RG14 7EQ
Send a Spirit Message to the Editor Or leave a message for him on the Please feel free to drop us a letter if you want to get the McYokel Bull sent to other people, with their Address, Telephone Number and Email if they have one. Blessing be upon you This Newspaper is A Private Production and is no way linked to LT. It contains any info about up and coming events as well as reports on past events. |
