I went to the Unicorns World Trade fair with me Grandfather Dai (he's champion AND deputy foreign minister!) and me Uncle Chunder. It was strange. There was all sorts of unliving being raised cos of this orb. A lot of the unliving was harmless and one even built our big fire with directions from Ainsley. You could tell it was a Unicorn unliving cos it wanted money for doing it. 2 unliving wanted to join the McYokels and eat Ainsley's chilli. When they was asked what they could do they knocked me, Donald McTottie and Grandfather over with spells. Then Grandfather went berserk and chopped them to pieces with his magic sword.

We had a banquet at which Malice showed up with a friend called Avarice (Halibut called him Abigail). Malice made me very afraid and then tried to buy mercenaries, weapons and magic from the Unicorns. Then he started BAAAing at Grandfather and me. Avarice used magic to make Dai be friendly too him but when it stopped Dai hit him lots. Then Malice made Grandfather's chest explode. It was horrible and there was guts everywhere and the healers said it was hard to put him back together. Then Malice said he would kill ALL THE CELTS very soon and he and Avarice went outside. The rest of the meal was fairly quiet cept for Lady Unicorn drinking vampire blood.

On the next day all the Bears went to talk to some gobbos from Caledonia who was stuck on the Unicorns' island. We had to fight lots of gobbos and trolls and ogres from other tribes to get there and we saw a statue of Lord Severedhead so Mungo carved CELTS WOZ ERE on it and we all gave it a big celtic salute (it was rude and the McPoohs did not join in). Connor Cuckooland and Grandfather talked to the gobbo chief and said they would get them off the island if they worked for us. On the way back down the mountain we was chased by lots of nasties and didn't use wizards and shield walls to beat them ... we was just resting the shields in a line when the ogres' weapons blew up, honest! Cousin Ash was really happy cos he killed an ogre all by himself! At the end there was a bog mosh with lots of ogres and stuff attacking so Childris of the Wolves blew on his flute and made everyone dance before we cut them down.

After Mungo took the good goblins back to Caledonia one of the Green Leaf tribe turned up with the Swordsmiths' Guild. He had a list of stupid demands for us to do before we got the High King back like letting the goblins be a separate country and killing Mr McTay and Mr Cyngelis. Ash ripped the demands up and tried to kill the goblins but Breaca who is a healer beat him up. The goblins said they were going to cut off one of the High King's fingers.

Oh yeah ... and I got called Sheep Boy!

Bye, bye

As usual at such historic occasions there were a sizeable number of Bears present from almost a dozen clans, under the command of Lady Sheenanigans McDrow ; host of Queen Blodwyn. It soon became clear that all was not going to Maar's plan as unliving from a rival, militant faction proceeded to attack his guests, and the Wolves declared their enmity before he had even spoken.

As skirimishes erupted it became clear that healers and incantors could not draw power here and bandages might well be our only means of treating wounds. It also emerged that Queen Blodwyn had chosen not to venture into this forsaken place and that Lady McDrow was not currently possessed of the powers of the Goddess ... or her usual aversion to sex and violence.

When Maar spoke it was to announce his intention to form a "Gargoyles" faction and sign the Gathering Treaty this year. He then called for those present to pledge support for his venture ... or even loyalty to his faction. Of those factions who made open statements on the subject, the Wolves again restated their opposition and the Bears said they would treat a new faction the same way they do everyone else.

The other incident of note was one internal to the Bears. Rowan (formerly Rowan McYokel, Bears ambassador to the Harts) announced her intention to join the Unicorns as advisor to their second-in-command, Lady Adelina (spelling? - Ed). Support for her decision was voiced by Master Healer Betty McYokel, Theives Guild guru Willy Forbes (Old Invincibles) and Baby-Eating-Butcher-Of-Rockholme Roo McPooh, however opinion amongst the rest of the faction was most definitely against her. Events did not escalate however and the public announcement by Ash (the Royal Bard) that the sentence for treason is summary execution led only to to a telling off by his mother (Betty). Rowan was allowed to leave unharmed.

Finally the Bull is saddened by news of the death of one of the Old Invincibles whilst attending the Plane of the Unliving. Out of respect for the Invincibles' traditions we shall refrain from discussing the matter further.

We are pleased to announce that one of our intrepid reporters managed to secure and interview with Maar the Faceless himself. This will follow in a later issue.

NAME – Megan McTwatem

PERSONAL DETAILS –Founder of Clan McTwatem, widow of Angus McTwatem, Queen Cerridwen, home – Loch Tay.

Age – How dare you ! Guards !

DISTINGUISHING FEATURES – Violent Temper (As this reporter found out for asking the wrong questions – Ed), blindish, very poor (hint, hint).

OCCUPATION – Queenie, Guardian of Angus Ryan.

FAVOURITE COLOUR – Royal Gordan dress Tartan and black

FAVOURITE THINGS – Money, Alcohol, Money, winning and more Money. Oh yes & Money.

LEAST FAVOURITE THINGS – No money, No alcohol, losing, cowards, non-taxpayers, people richer than me !

WOULD MOST LIKE TO SHARE A DESERT ISLAND WITH ... Angus McTwatem (2^nd choice was Brother brewer with his still – Ed).

WOULD LEAST LIKE TO SHARE A DESERT ISLAND WITH ... Stupid McTwatem, McLooney’s ghost, an angry, horny sober Morrigan.

HOBBIES – Drinking, Tax collecting, hitting things (when I can find ‘em), tutoring Angus Ryan - when Sober (me, not him),seeing into the future & Gambling.

LEAST ENDEARING QUALITY – How dare you! Guards !!!!!

Unfortunately at this point this reporter was placed into irons and sent to the dungeon. Luckily though, Editor managed to sweet talk the Cerridwen to letting me out. I think he used some money & homebrew, as she seems to like those sorts of things……………

NAME - Malice

DISTINGUISHING FEATURES - Tall, thin, pale chap dressed in red and grey rags. Sore throat. Tendancy to walk through people.

OCCUPATION - Spiritual embodiment of hatred. Would-be destroyer of the celts.

FIRST SIGHTED - Bears Faction Moot 1097 ; appeared claiming intent to steal the spirits of Denzil McYokel and Tigger McPooh's unborn children. Disappeared after the murder of the then warleader, Nobby McYokel.

LAST SIGHTED - Unicorns' World Trade Fair 1098 ; accompanied by spirit calling itself "Avarice", attempted to purchase weapons and magical items. Disappeared after blowing up Bears champion Dai McTaff and promising the "complete destruction of the celtic people" within two months.

PREFERED WEAPON - You !

FAVOURITE DRINK - Whatever Dai McTaff is having.

LEAST ENDEARING QUALITY - Devouring other people's Ancestors. Causing people to explode.

MASTERMIND SPECIALIST SUBJECT - The life and works of Joshua McTay.

It has been reported that Maar the Faceless will be starting a new faction of Undead at the Gathering this Year called Gargoyles. He also stated that he would be signing the Gathering treaty there. He proposes peace between the living and the unliving. Supporters can be recognised by a brown ribbon with a gold trim.

Thomas Finn’s old Fool, now calling himself Prelate Savick has pledged himself to Maar or rather Dave the Unliving…….

Also that Rowan (formerly Rowan McYokel) has offered her services to Adelena and will be joining the Unicorn faction……

Will we lose any more…… Catch up with Editor McYokel for more details !

After seeing the interview with Dave "the Unliving" in last three issues of the McYokel Bull in 1097, Teran decided to get the oppinion of the Arch-High Incantor himself about these Unliving things.

That’s all right Teran, and please, it’s Durith. You may ask away with these questions of yours……

As I stated at Nights Dawn, I was there to Negotiate peace. However NOT on Maar’s terms!!!! My proposal was to offer the Unliving an amnasty to withdraw from Erdreja to return to the plane of unlife. I was prepared to negotiate from this position. Maar an Thomas Finn (Dave – Ed) were not. The Gargoyles will NOT sign the gathering treaty. Unfortunately I now believe there is no alternative to war.

Yes but NOT on Maar’s terms as stated before…. Are you going deaf Teran……? Such a peace has to be negotiated. Unfortunately my experiences at Nights Dawn make me begin to believe Papa is right. We can not negotiate with the corrupt!

Dave? Oh Thomas, yes I pity Thomas. I met his Unliving form for the first time on the plane of Unliving. His pattern is almost unrecognisable. I believe Thomas is trying to do the right thing, but the corruption of his pattern has destroyed his reasoning. For the good of Erdreja he must be laid to rest. Though I mourned with everyone else at his death, this corruption must not be allowed to continue.

I can not answer this, Military matters will be discussed at Reconsecration. However, we are considering the matter. Currently though Mordinaar daines to follow Maar! The confrontation between them at Nightsdawn seemed to confirm this, but I’m not sure…..

I believe I have already begun what I intended. My original statement to the sacred council was that we must find our common bond in the faith we share. This may be to different Ancestors, but in the end the commitment remains essentually the same.

Otherwise I have begun to alter the Guild Administration. Under the late Attila (May she rest peacefully) the organisation was entirely dependent on her. I want to make the work without relying on any one person, including the Ancestors forbid!

Uhhhhhh……W"wwwwwomen? Wwwwhat are you talking about? (Is he becoming a McYokel with that acsent – Ed) [At this point a guild scribe intervened and Durith refferred me to the Guild statement……..

During the weekend of the Tarantulas Parliament, Arch-High Incantor Durith Flanelath made great inroads into pursuing better relations with the Drow and Tarantulas Faction as a whole. Unfortunately his exhaustive and exuberant efforts affected him deeply, and required him to rest during the period before his discussions with Maar the Faceless. However, this rest has not quite provided a full recovery for his experiences, and he and the Guild have felt it necessary that no further discussion on this matter is put to him, as it tends to affect his ahhh…. Performances in his duties as Arch-High Incantor, and head of the Guild.

What, what, what, I’ve been very clear! What else can I tell you? [At this point Teran looking at the scribe thought it might be worth making his excuses and leaving, so he did – Ed] .

For More Incantors Guild info checkout

Better yet, check out the portals page

or email Durith@hotmail.com

(He's SO wise! - Ed)

So you want to know about Night's Dawn? ... Eh? ... Oh, Gygr Night! ... I went to that once when I was only a little girl ... boy ... I remember when this Norse thane ordered evil spirits and ogresses out of the sea to attack Orkneyjar ... or was it Avalon? ... one of those islands ... I went to an island on holiday one year ... Just south of Lyonesse (OGRESSES! - Ed) ... the Norscan's call them "Gygr" you know ... anyway, the spirits and the Gygr came out of the sea with big nets, chased all the islanders, and ate anyone they caught! .. everyone had to group together for safety ... stupid idea if you ask me ; get more of you in a net that way! ... I was saying just that to young Yargon the other day ... he'll never amount to much you know ... Yargon I said, if you chase those Lions closer together we can get more of them in the net! (Gygr Night! - Ed) ... festival of hospitality you know ... after everyone had to group to gether for protection ... get horribly cursed if you steal from or murder your host or guests ... I remember one bloke, Joshua McTie or some such, just couldn't be nice to anyone ... ignored all the warnings and got turned purple for all eternity! ... VERY NASTY! ... something about removing your spirit from the cycle and becoming unliving as well, but I'm sure that's not as bad as the purple bit ... did you know Denzil wants to celebrate Gygr Night this year? (Yes; that's why we asked you to write this article you senile old git! - Ed) ... ZZZZZZZZ ! (WAKE UP - Ed) ... EH! ... Is that the time? ... got to to go; Denzil's celebrating Gygr Night you know ... thinks it's good for unity and wants to encourage some of the other clans to join the McYokels in some sort of alliance ... better watch out for the curse and the evil spirits and the ogresses with nets ... and the purple bloke of course ...

(Ritualist, Incantor and mentor to "young" Yargon McYokel) (Young yeah right he’s older than me! – Ed)

From what I have discovered, it appears that the Death Jesters were on a quest last year, during which they obtained an item known as The eye of the Laughing God.

At one point one of their number was asked to give up one of their own eyes to seal a portal. While the Death Jesters discussed this another on the mission (who had been taken on trust) sacrificed one of his own eyes, thus fulfilling the requirement and sealing the portal.

This person was asked not to regenerate the missing eye, but went off and did so anyway. He then was reported to have boasted about his actions. The Death Jesters, as a result, had little say on this issue and resented The Hunter putting the blame for this on them.

The Eye of the Laughing God was later used in the Ritual to summon Excalibur and it is thought that by having the sacrificed eye regenerated the enchantment on the Eye of the Laughing God may now be fading, the effects of this on the ritual binding Excalibur are still unknown.

What the outcome of this will be is not yet known, although the Death Jesters themselves acted in a bizarre way for the rest of the evening picking fights and being generally aggressive and obnoxious. It is possible that they just needed to blow off steam. They are now looking into ‘dealing’ with the person they believe responsible.

Some people think The Hunter is upset about the Quest itself. I do not know the details but this could come down to a theological difference as opposed to the Death Jesters being ‘stitched up’ by a third party.

Rory McTwatem, kinght of the Boar of the Queens’ Fianna and Thane of the first fleet of the Caledonian Navies, seeks brave hearted clansmen to captain his ships. If you are such a man (or whatever) and seek to serve in this way, you must known to me, or provide references as to your trustworthiness, for you shall be privy to secret information. Send to me your name and the name you would like to call your ship…….

TO LET

Single Room; First floor of mages' tower at Castle Cudbright (home of the Clan McYokel). Would suit female spellcaster. Tolerance of yellow wallpaper an asset. Apply in person to Denzil McYokel.

(Have you asked Lasha? I hear he may be moving soon! - Ed)

With Contributions by:

Send a Spirit Message to the Editor

Or leave a message for him on the

Bears NoticeBoard

Blessing be upon you

This Newspaper is A Private Production and is no way linked to LT (at present). It contains any info about up and coming events as well as reports on past events.