Reports have been coming in that the High King has gone missing from Pitlochry. Some say he has been kidnapped but others say totally different things, like he was with Teran McYokel last. A reporter followed up on the last report and unfortunately Teran has not seen the High King in a while.

We will keep you up to date on any info we find out.

This picnic was to have been hosted by Duke Reynauld du Chatillion, steward to the privy council, at his home in Norhault. However in the light of recent events the picnic performed a second function as the wake of Baron Connall Evanson, and was moved to Marchwood Keep accordingly.

Sadly my arrival was somewhat delayed and as such some of this report is based on the words of others. I had been ready to depart for the ritual circle at Pitlochry to travel to Marchwood Keep when I heard that the unliving army raised by the Gashirim at Loch Tay three months earlier had again been sighted (Caledonia armies recalled from Winter homes – Ed). Having headed into the mountains, it was believed the unliving was being put to work clearing a collapsed Underdark entrance for their masters. It now appears that whatever reason the Gashirim had for taking to the mountains, this was not it, and they had returned to the Great Pass before making directly for Pitlochry with all speed. I helped see to arrangements for the defense of Pitlochry before heading off with all haste. (However the Gasharim have now disappeared after rumoured to have appologised for winding us up - Ed).

There was a fair attendance by all accounts. As well as Queen Elspeth Tarragon and many of the court of Albion, several other notable dignitaries were present. Lady Adelina attended on behalf of the Unicorns, King Gunnar Smoothtongue represented the Wolves, and I myself represented the Bears. Lady Ailish O’Donovan made one of her now rare public appearances to pay her respects to the memory of Connall and join in paying tribute to him.

Things started off with Annakin of the Hawkeshead stumbling into the hall. Injured after fighting with some bandits on the way, he was in a sorry state, although he had fought and beaten off overpowering odds. X’hephra Darkstar was close by and tried to heal him but then found his Incantor magics to be inactive. Luckily Arcadia was nearby and she revived Annakin with her powers of healing.

Shortly after this, a group of unknown beings teleported into the main banquet hall and set about those gathered there. One of their number was a mage of considerable power who appeared to cast Mage Bolts indiscriminately. Thankfully they were dispatched fairly swiftly and the injured healed. Hoever a further attack followed but a few minutes later although people were better prepared this time. The reasons for these attacks are still unclear.

Queen Elspeth Tarragon spoke briefly about the past year and the sad death of Connall. She related the events surrounding his death and assured those gathered that the matter was being pursued.

Various people and digntaires spoke to pay tribute to Connall. Norreagh spoke on behalf of Bacchus, with whom Connall was closely tied. Also the Beastmen paid tribute in their own way, howling instead of crying!

Lady Adelina and Gunnar Smoothtongue paid tributes, but the lions only saw fit to be represented by their Envoy. The envoy assured those present that although the murderer of Connall had indeed been rescued from the gallows and healed by conspirators, the lad responsible Wee Eck McEwan, was in Lions custody and would be put to trial under their laws.

Last month the Clan MacBain had the pleasure of visitations from both Teran McYokel and Dougie McFinn. Dougie had brought along his wee bairn Angus, to visit the lads at the MacBain fort. After a pleasant afternoon wandering around the local village and down the local Ale House, the gathered clansmen decided to have a wee bit of a contest. Basically the idea was to beat the hell out of the opponent and win two rounds out of three. Combats between Dougie, Feargus MacBain, Dalzell MacBain, Morgan MacBain, and Teran McYokel were fairly evenly matched with no individual being strikingly better than any other. However, trouble brewed when the two-year-old daughter of Dougie, wee Angus, was allowed to join in. Beginning slowly and carefully she proceeded to soundly thrash every person within reach bar her own father, who refused to fight her.

Is this some new breed of "Super-Celt"? Have the Clan McFinn been feeding their children "Turbo-Charged Super-Cider"? Or is it a secret conspiracy? Readers – should you see this psychopathic infant, steer clear. She should be regarded as two-armed and highly dangerous!

The Healers do it in 10 seconds

The Incantors do it in Wedges

The Weaponsmiths do it with blunts and sharps

Players do it in and out !

Incantors do it again with the help of their Ancestors

Mages do it by Colours

Mordred does it Chaotically

The fellowship do it by the Full Moon

The Lions do it as One

The McYokels do it with their kilts on

The Stombulls do it without magic

The Scouts do it by Maps

The Staff do it by GOD

The Monsters do it to players

The Bears do it with a tankard in hand

The Harts do it with a Cup of Tea

Shaedal does it nicely.

Floris brand does it as he Can

Guild leaders do it Neutrally.

The McTotties do tarting with style

The McTaffs do it with Sh**p

The McBains do it, well I dannae !

This interview was conducted in the private chambers of Feargus himself, unfortunately his clansmen have their own concept of private & were found to be listening at the door. After attemping to dissuade them from this we gave up, much to Feargus’ discomfort. So here we have this months Clansmen in Focus, with added comments from his Clan (Clannies).

Showing us how to Roar like a True Bear!!!!

NAME – Feargus MacBain (this bit’s true – the clannies).

PERSONAL DETAILS – MacBain Male (we think), 20Yrs Old, 28^th Chieftian of the line of Evric.

DISTINGUISHING FEATURES – Very Tall, Very Large Spiky mace, Bottle of vicious looking homebrew, stunningly good looking (yeah right chiefy ! – Kedel), large weapon (erm, I think he mentioned that one already – Ed), Fish.

OCCUPATION – Chief o’ the Clan MacBain, Champion Homebrewer of the Clan MacBain (but not of the Bears I Bet – Ed !), Knight of the Boar, Thane of the 2^nd Army of Caledonia, Ambassador to the Orkney Council. (Pissed up drunk in the corner o’ the tavern more like! – Gottreck).

FAVOURITE COLOUR – The complex colour made up of a multitude of lines running across each other to make a wonderful pattern, surpassed by no other colour. (We think he means Tartan, but we could be wrong – Morgan).

FAVOURITE THINGS – Homebrewing, Drinking Homebrew, Fist-fighting, Singing lewd songs, Women (Oh aye cheify? Surprised you know what they are! – Kedel), My Clansmen, Haggis.

LEAST FAVOURITE THINGS –Sobriety, Clanky armour wearing poofs, Troosers, Undergarments (He’s with Yargon on that one! – Ed), Gate Guards, My Clansmen, Empty homebrew bottles, Gasherim, Marmite – ‘tis the scrapings from a zombies armpits.

WOULD MOST LIKE TO SHARE A DESERT ISLAND WITH ... A Free – unlimited – Bar, A tribe of sexy nymphomaniac women (a flock o’ sheep more like – Dalzell).

LEAST ENDEARING QUALITY – None, I don’t have any ! (Rubbish, he’s bossy, crap in bed, can’t fight, can’t sing, drinks shandy, has been known to be sober, talks crap – but who doesn’t, the list goes on…. The Clan).

HOBBIES –Same as favourite things aswell as, Killing stuff & Eating (What about the sheep? – Dalzell).

At this point the interview degenerated into a fist fight, with Feargus hurling insults left, right & centre. After making sure these details were safe, I joined in.

Yours, nursing a broken nose, Editor McYokel

Clannies - P.S. We love the McYokel Bull! It’s the best magazine going! It’s Ace, we love it! Hurrah! And we think Editor McYokel is a really sorted fella’, Yeah we do! He’s Ace (Any chance of a free beer???).

Although when I was first born The Grand Master Merlin took me away to be brought up by The Mages Guilds, I have never forgotten my heritage. In over 600 years my home has always been here, on the shores of Loch Tay where my Clan lived until the time of the Great Cataclysm. From the ashes of what remained grew my tower where I still live and conduct my studies today. In recent years it has also become the foremost site for high level political assemblies such as The Grand Council, and The Convocation of Guilds. Several great battles in which I along with many other Caledonians were involved have also been fought on this site, including the climatic battle of the Goblin Uprising of 996 and the one that took place only last year, involving many of you.

Over the centuries I believe I have been a friend and brought some additional esteem to Caledonia, the Queens and its citizens, some of whom I have taught the ways of Magic and others I have at times advised and counciled. This would not have been possible were it not for my own upbringing and education in the Arcane Arts by the Grand Master Mage and the Guild he created. Now although I am custodian of all physical magic and the guardian of the two Great Tomes of this world, I am no longer allowed a respectable membership of the Guild, which I have also fought to nurture and protect for so long.

I believe this action stems the flow of further knowledge on both sides, by cutting me off from the Guild resources. I need to continue my research and teachings, contrary to what is surely the primary reason for the existence of the Mages Guild. By stopping me continuing this noble quest in the search for knowledge, it harms not only me and the Guild, but by extension you, my fellow Caledonians.

I would ask those of you who would support my claim to reinstate my Mages Guild membership, to commit your thoughts to parchment and scroll and send them to the Grand Master Floris Brand at his Norhault Guildhouse. Perhaps together we can show him that for the sake of knowledge and the benefit of all, it is an acceptable course of action to make an exception to the rule.

An apparition of Herne appeared before people at the Harts party last month upon the dias. Many people fell to their knees on seeing him.

He called upon Connall’s betrothed Lady Fey to stand beside him on the dias, which she obeyed. Herne then spoke in an angry voice towards the Death Jesters in the room…. He certainly was not pleased with them. After this he left taking Lady Fey into his care.

Immediately after Herne left a group of people stormed the hall and started attacking indiscriminately. Ehlana Bedswelle, quickly healed one person the group did attack, Lady Ailish. No-ones face was recognised to this reporter but one person did have a distinctive green tabard with the emblem of a hunter upon it.

Upon one of the bodies of this group a list was found titled "hits". The list had the following name on :-

Lady Ailish, Queen Elspeth, Jonathan, Jaspar and Corina.

Some one definitely wants to try and leave Elias with no council !

During a recent visit to Clan MacBain lands last month, Teran McYokel, the well-known Bears Scout, is reported to have callously attacked and beaten the young daughter of Dougie McFinn. The toddler, who cannot be named for legal reasons was set upon by the normally placid Teran and was soundly duffed up. The veteran scout showed no mercy in his assault and defeated the two year old McFinn with a flurry of head butts, kicks and overhead swings.

Horrified onlookers could only watch helplessly as the toddler was cut down. Fortunately the MacBain Healer, Dalzell was on hand to heal the babes wounds and she is now fine.

Teran was found not guilty of assault and battery on the grounds the "she twatted him first". A representative for the McFinns has declined a re-match.(Guess that puts paid to the Super-Celt rumour! – Ed).

Dear (Name removed to protect the innocent),

I am writing in reply to your comments in the November issue of the McYokel Bull.

You are Wrong!! We McTaffs are not using the kidnapped…. Sorry imported sheep for our personal pleasure (It’s a good idea though!). We have made them part of our breeding program. This is to breed the perfect war sheep. We are using Caledonian sheep for their large fierceness. Lyonesse Ewe’s because of their agility (we all know why they need it!)

With these sheep in our flocks we hope to breed the perfect RAM CAVALRY. You may be able to see some results at the Moots this year or if not at the Gathering.

Bye for now, Dafydd McTaff (aye 13 ¾)

Well, it’s that time of year again and Editor is off on his walk about….. to some place called Fl***a, so he hopes nothing will happen to the Bears News letter. He leaves it in Teran’s Hands….. well, he’ll lose it as usual !

Hopefully the Fairies will deliver as usual though!

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