The Saga Continues

The Big Bar, Lyonesse. Right well the gathering is over and the pesky bloody goblins are still pissing about to the south of my lands, and all over the Cymrian border. So I’m just taking the time to write a quick note on the beer and atmosphere of the Big Bar that the Gryphons set up for the Bears to use. Well apparently the other factions were allowed to use it too, but apart from the Dragons and a few Wolves the rest of the groups appeared to be a little scared of the Celtic company to drink there. So on with the review. The most notable thing about the Big Bar was that it was bloody small, but with lots of room for the eventual fights that happened in there. They served a rich variety of local beers including pints of piss which was the best of the bunch. The beers included such other favourites as "Remember Me" which the gryphon barman claimed was the reason for the Bears not knowing who he and the rest of the Gryphons were every morning, and also a nice sweet little beer was available called Bear Trap. I talked long to the barmen who said this had been brewed especially for the Celtic visitors and was very nice and very drinkable. When I quizzed Lord Timothy about this beer he said that he just hoped that the Bears would enjoy staying in the bar and drinking the beer. Well I’m all up for that but I feel that his reasons was to stop us from kicking the Lions and the Unicorns all over Lyonesse, hmm seems to have worked as well as a Heart boat building exercise.

These are all famous quotes from people in ’97.

1/ How big is 100 acre wood ? – Violet mage

2/ ITS AN ABOMINATION – Yargon McYokel

3/ Wheres yer King ? – Fishbait the Goblin

4/ BOO!!! – Elfthryth

5/ Ya can’t spell Editor – McWitch McYokel

6/ Shield Wall ? Charge !!!! - Clan McYokel

7/ I want one of those chief hats – Ainsley

8/ Have ya seen Christopher Robin –Clan McPooh

9/ Wheres the Beer ? or Hello ya Big Poof !!!

News just in ... the "offices" of the McYokel Bull were today ruthlessly held to ransom by a terrorist element calling itself the Voice of the Flock (Junior Tufty Club ! - Ash). Whilst the majority of the Bull staff were down the pub, the raiders - all members of the Clan McTaff - broke in, locked Editor McTaff in a closet and held Uncle Yargon hostage. The alarm was raised by young Flipper McYokel who had noticed the courtyard at cudbright was full of sheep and skilled hostage negotiaters (that'll be what Ash and Eltha were doing with that McTaff and the root vegetables! – Denzil ) were dispatched to resolve the situation. Within half an hour the newspaper was free and Editor set about carefully erasing all mention of the Clan McTaff from the issue you now read (Oops! - Ed).

‘Twos the night after Christmas and all through the Armies, nothing alcoholic was left, not even by cheak!

After all the presents had been given we all went for a wee tipple of brew to celebrate the New Year coming.

This is what was received and by whom.

Denzil McYokel - A fake Cold Iron Sword

(As everyone knows McYokels may have Fae blood so wee did nae want to loose another Chiefy – Ed)

Yargon McYokel – A pair of specs

(So he can stop going blind – Ed).

Teran McYokel – A Compass

(So he won’t get lost as much, however knowing him he will lose the compass – Ed).

Dafydd McTaff – A portait of Caitlin McYokel

(Unfortunately Caitlin was to fast for Dafydd to catch, so a Portait had to do – Ed).

Ainsley McYokel – A Cooks Hat

(My god, he got what he wanted. Chris "Cringle" McYokel must be working overtime – Ed).

Editor McYokel – A Goblin

(Unfortunately the wrong kynd as hee canae spel neitherr – Ed).

... for too long has the Known World's most popular paper been held in the evil clutches of the cow worshipping morons. No longer will this be tolerated, for how may we trust the words of those who, in their folly, offer prayer to beef ?

We are the bringers of truth ; our eyes see clearly. The free sons and daughters of the sacred ram throw off the tyranny of the so-called Clan McYokel and claim this publication in the name of all that is righteous and complimented by mint sauce. I, Propaganda McTaff, shall edit this issue and cleanse it of all foul, bovine influences. Don't believe the Bull !

Be pure, be vigilant, be sure the chieftain doesn't catch you.

Propaganda McTaff

Don't be stupid ! It's only Tuesday ; he'll be in there for days yet.

Oh *@#% ! I thought Ash was in Norsca ! At least Yargon's gone quiet.

I dunno ... OI! ... GOBLIN ! What are you doing ? ... don't write this bit down ; I'm not dictating any more ... [ SLAP!! ] ...

NAME – Dai "You-bastard" McTaff

PERSONAL DETAILS - Male, son of Dragonswoe Sheepwarrior McTaff (aka "Sheepworrier McYokel"), not quite as old as Yargon (but getting there - Ed), mad uncle of Denzil McYokel.

DISTINGUISHING FEATURES – Extreme height, extreme volume, harem of sheep.

LEAST FAVOURITE THINGS - Women, Goats, Incantors (not necessarily in that order).

This is the last installment of that interview with the Ambassador of Maar the Faceless.

Some have said that you are not in fact Thomas Finn, but a spirit that has some if not all of Thomas' knowledge, in Thomas' body. What do you say to these people.

I have nothing to say. I have no knowledge of magic, I'm just a simple soldier. I cannot call the four seasons to do my beckoning, nor listen to the words of the ancestors to judge who will die and who will live. I cannot command the Tomes of magic, nor summon fire from the void. They call me abomination, they say my pattern is corrupt and I do not even know what they mean.

I do know this, I remember the pain of leading The Old Invincibles against the Fellowship in 1096, I remember the horror of watching Joseph Marston cut down by a Goblin and then feeling the horror as he was cut down a second time by us. I remember the fear of creeping into the Goblins camp to destroy their armies and save Pitlochry and the Cerredwen, I remember the pleasure in Orenda's smile and the Morrigan's bed. I remember the pain on Rowan's face as she told me of her hidden love, I remember the angst in Ruana's eyes as she told me of her lost parents. I remember the joy of friends returned from the Goblins and the sorrow of friends lost to the Goblins.

I remember singing with the Raggers round a camp fire in Orkneyjar, I remember wishing I was honourable enough to share in their beliefs. I remember friendship found in strange places and friendship lost in hard times.

I remember all these things, and I remember that my name is Thomas Finn.

In your knowledge, and if you are able to tell me, is there any connection between the undead army of the Gasharim and Maar's own forces ?

There will hopefully be a connection between us. I have spoken with Maar on the subject and we are in negotiations with Matron Mother Dallashandra

of the Tarrantulas. If she permits then I hope to be able to lead the armies of Maar the Faceless against the Gasharim. That is the only connection there will ever be. The Gasharim have their own desires, and their is no room for peace between the Living and the Unliving in their world.

I live in the halls of Maar the Faceless on the plane of the Unliving. I could arrange for you to visit if you like?

What aspect, if you can remember any, of being alive do you miss the most?

Hope. I have been saved once by Cyngelis' power and once by Maar's blessing, if I am dismissed again, it will be the final death. I must find a way to talk to people who will not talk, to bring peace to people who do not want peace, to share a world with people who will share nothing with me. There is no deed that cannot ever be done, but the thing I miss most of all is hope.

Thankyou for your time,

Ainsley, the Cook, McYokel

It was my pleasure,

Thomas Finn, Ambassador of the Unliving Lord, Maar the Faceless.

CHEIFTAN : Dai McTaff (Champion of the Bears)

By sex - 69.5% male, 30.5% female

By magic - 53.5% Incantors, 15.5% Mages, 15.5% Healers, 15.5% Non-magic

By guild membership - 2 Incantors, 1 Scout, 1 Mage, 1 Healer

At the Gathering of 1097 Queen Morrigan, in her generosity, saw fit to grant the Clan McTaff the mountain of Ben Doon. On the shores of Loch Doon the Clan are currently building a settlement they have named Abertawe. The clan also command two of Caledonia's warships; T.M.S. Ewe of Plenty (Captain = Dai McTaff) and T.M.S. Sheepdip (Captain = Dafydd McTaff).

Dragonswoe Sheepwarrior McTaff (deceased) - The eldest of four brothers, only he stayed true to the sacred Ram when his siblings formed the heretical Clan McYokel. Cruelly slandered by his wayward relatives who insist on calling him "Sheepworrier".

Dai McTaff - (see Clansmen in Focus - Ed)

Cormac McTaff - Trouser-wearing Albion git, Cormac was the surprise choice to replace Denzil McYokel as leader of the Stormbulls. A great believer in leading from behind (where you can slip in a throwing knife more easily).

Chunder McTaff - An upwardly mobile mage (currently looking to apprentice - Ed). Chunder has recently begun to study ritual magic and is reportedly considering making a play for Yargon's former position as head of both McTaff and McYokel ritual groups.

Larry and Shawn (deceased) - Eaten by the rest of the clan during the great famine a few years ago.

Dafydd McTaff - (see Clansmen in Focus in future issue!)

Chunky McTaff and Tess - During one of Chunder's earlier experiments with ritual magic a mistake at a critical point left the clan with one bipedal, talking sheepdog ... and one very loyal but extremely stupid clansman.

Extremely currently (and increasingly dangerously - Ed) The Clan McTaff are involved in kidnapping the McYokel Bull. On a wider scale their main priority is completing the construction of Abertawe. They have also been involved in aiding the Dragons' defence of Erin and, since the withdrawl of Dragons' forces (suprise, suprise! - Ed) the S.A.S. (Sheep Assistance Squad) have made several sorties into Formorian territory in an attempt to rescue some of Erin's more fleecey inhabitents.

- The colours of McTaff tartan are mint-sauce and raw mutton.

- The entire clan is banned from union with the McPoohs after fears that if a McPooh / McYokel is a "McPookel", then a McPooh / McTaff would be a "McPoof".

- Their vast flocks of sheep are rated second only to those of Lord Arcane himself.

(Or So they say !!! – Ed )By Chiefy Dai McTaff

Throughout history, many great leaders have been misquoted on their views ... I am but one of them (Great leader? Don't make me laugh - Chunder). Some of the topics I have been misjudged upon include armour wearers, incantors and the common animals such as cows, goats and women ... (BOSS SHUTUP! This is meant to make you look better - Ed) ... sorry, common animals such as cows and goats, women, mindflayers, the healer's guild and Lord Owain of Swansea.This being the case I'd like to take this opportunity to set the record straight.

Armour wearers: Unlike members of other Clans I could mention I have nothing against people who hide behind layers of metal in battle; a man's vestments do not change the warrior spirit that fills his soul. Who wrote this rubbish?

Incantors: It is an admirable thing to be in touch with your ancestors. Given a couple of minutes with each of them I could put them more in touch! ... not that I harbour any hostility towards any of these lovely gentlemen.

Cows: I suppose that these stupid animals could have their uses, despite being clearly inferior to sheep. They can give you meat and milk, they have nice wollen fleeces and are really cute and cuddely ; many a true warrior has known the feeling of compassion when ... (BOSS! You're supposed to be talking about Cows - Ed) Okay! ... um ... they've ... got ... er ... nice ... horns?

Goats: I have nothing against goats. Ever! End of Conversation.

Women : There have been evil rumours going around that all I think women are good for is cooking and looking after the children. This just isn't true, most women that I know can't cook at all, and if you let them look after the children they will end up being as good a fighter as a Unicorn. Honestly? ... you wouldn't want your son to marry one!

Denzil's Jokes : Do I have to say this? (Just read the script Boss!) But I like Denzil's Jokes ; especially the ones with "Charge!" in. (Just read it ; it'll be good for your image.) I have never liked any of Denzil's jokes, and don't find them funny ... Apart from the one about Philip! (Why do I bother? - Ed)

Mindflayers : The rumour that I like Mindflayers because they force Mages and Incantors to be fight like REAL men just isn't true. I wasn't there at the time ... um ... it must of been ... er ... a mind flayer ... that's it! Yes! I was being impersonated.

The Healer's Guild: I'm not saying it. (GO ON!) No, you say it. (The Healer's Guild are a fine group of people and do not deserve to be thrown into a pen of Ewes on heat to make men out of them. There I said it for you. - Ed)

Lord Owain of Swansea: It was just a misunderstanding ... and if he wants my flock back he can come and get it. Come on, if you've got the guts! I'll kill every one of you; me against you, one on one, any way you want ... (I love Sleep spells! - Chunder)

Greetings and a happy new year to all, I'm glad to say that Ash McYokel has made a full recovery from a mysterious illness that caused him to repeatedly throw himself down flights of stairs and to eat vast numbers of copies of last months Bull. The following list of jokes (earlier stolen from the Barn) were found in his possession after a particularly nasty bout of his illness.

Denzil

Jokes from the Storm Bull Barn.

Q. How did the Storm Bull cross the field of battle?

A. Chaaarrrrrrge

Q. How does a Storm Bull greet a (insert appropriate individual; e.g. a unicorn)?

A. Chaaarrrrrge.

Q. How does a Storm Bull pay for his beer?

A. He charges it.

Q. How many Storm Bulls can you fit in a barn.

A. Chaaaarrrrrge.

I, Propoganda McTaff, do hereby solemnly decl ...

[ SLAP!! ] ... OI! ... alright ; swear that all defamatory remarks that may have been printed about the Clan McYokel are completely untrue. Oh yes ; by no means are they a bunch of cow-loving in-breeds who are currently HANGING ME UPSIDE DOWN OVER THE GOBLIN PIT ! ... ARGH! ... NO LOOK I'M SORRY ... it just slipped out, ok? ... please Denzil, can I have some water now ? ... I can ? ... no, I have no idea what Teutonian Water Torture is ... er ... Denzil, where is Ash taking me ? ... DENZIL ! ... AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGHHH !!!

It is with great sadness that the McYokel Bull announces the imminent discovery of the body of Propoganda McTaff at the bottom of Loch Tae (obviously the monster didn't like him either - Ed). Healers are due to report that the cause of death was drowning ; brought about by a hundred-weight of McYokel Bull back-issues tied to one of his feet. A careful investigation by Ash will conclude that this was obviously a tragic suicide and anyone who says different is in trouble (Oh #$@& ! ... got all the tenses wrong! - Ed).

What do you call 3 sheep tied to a tree in McTaff territory?

A Leisure Centre !

Why do McTaff’s wear kilts?

Because the Sheep run at the sound of belts being undone !

Dafydd had a little lamb

He kept it in a bucket

And every where that Dafydd went

His Uncles tried to (Um!!!!-Ed) ..take it away !

Dilan had a little lamb

It’s fleece as black as Drew

He disciplined the little thing

And gave it a good ……

(That’s enough of that, Dafydd ! –Ed)

Thank Blodwyn for that ! It's certainly good to be back; it was getting a bit stuffy locked in that cupboard. Rest assured that normal service will be resumed shortly and next issue should see me firmly back at the helm (which may or may not be a good thing - Ash). Until then, I hope everyone had a suitably drunken Hogmany and I'll see ya soon.

With Contributions by:

Ash, Teran, Denzil, Yargon, Ainsley

Dai, Cormac, Dafydd, Chunder, Anthrax, Flossie

This Newspaper is A Private Production and is no way linked to LT (at present). It contains any info about up and coming events as well as reports on past events.

Send a Spirit Message to the Editor

Or leave a message for him on the

Bears NoticeBoard

Blessing be upon you

Subscription