Thomas Finn sighted Again!

Well, I turned up with Heather and Zap to find quite a few o’ the clan already their and more of us turned up later. It was guid, cos the Clan was bigger on it’s own that any o’ the other factions ‘cept the Wolves. But they’re a nice bunch o’lads and lassies mostly. That Kurt’s a guid fella – stood me a few drinks he did.

We was waitin’ for Queenie Morrigan, when these rat things came along and tried to cause some bother, but Ainsley and meself held ‘em off until Yargon arrived wi’ a bit o’ silver to deal wi’ ‘em. Guid job too, sez I, nasty things they are, ye ken.

When the Queenie did turn up I had to clear the path to the bar for ‘er. It was just a wee bitty bad luck it was Lady Katerina o’ the Dragons was stood where the Queenie was headin’ honest, but I don’t think she took it bad like.

Anyway, we then got doon to the real business o’ the evening – some serious drinkin’. This was aboot the time I last saw Teran (weel, there was this bar, ye ken..). Then Queenie Morrigan stood up and told everybody how guid we’d been on the battlefield an’ that she were reet proud o’ us all, which got some cheers. Then we had some fun booin’ at Ol’ Severhead, but he’s standin’ doon. That Lady Adelina lassie’ll be in charge o’ Unicorns noo. She’s a formidable lady, make no mistake there. Oh aye, and Scafloc had a wee bitty shoutin’ match wi’ Rhino o’ the Lions.

Then Ash & Rowan arrived and ran into a spot o’ bother with this weird tentacly thing that had a lot o’ creatures wi’ it, but they seemed to deal with it alright with some help from the storm Bulls. Roond aboot this time things got a wee bitty awkward. Ye see, this body turned up that claimed to be Thomas Finn an’ to be speakin’ for Maar the Faceless. It certainly looked the Finn – bar bein’ all pasty-faced like, but I suppose too much tea could do that for ye.

Well Yargon didnae like this as ye might expect. So there was an awful big o’ shoutin’ and some quite dodgin’ aboot as the Incanters got themselves together. But they couldnae do anything to it, cos Cyngelis stopped wi’ the book of air or some such.

I don’t know much aboot these mage things, ye’d best talk to Rowan or Ash aboot that. But Floris Brand said that he wasnae goin’ to have a ritual group nae more and gave two of his book things to Master Violet and two to this Cyngelis person.

Oh and there’s these things wi’ red faces that have got a lot o’ folks stirred up. Gasharim I thinks they called ‘em. But I was back at the bar tryin’ to see if I could spot Teran by then and that’s more or less where I stayed.

This was the first ever OGC I have ever been to and did not know what to expect. I found the place, and most of the people, warm and friendly – there was plenty of carrots too!

Once we had mingled and caught up on gossips, there were various speeches regarding all that stuff to do with Rockholme. I couldn’t see because all the big people kept standing in front of me and I couldn’t hear very much because there was lots of shouting. This gave me the perfect chance to go for a pint!

During all this, something which looked like Thomas Finn turned up and upset quite a few people. Yargon called him an Abomination more times than I could count. Then Mave, Chiefy and me left in protest (and for another pint!!).

When we came back the abomination formerly known as Thomas Finn had gone, but not forever I was told. Then more mingling, drinking and eating of carrots took place (Sorry – no offence Mr Carrot!!), then I went to bed!!!

NAME - Yargon McYokel

PERSONAL DETAILS -

McYokel Male, Brother of Nobby R.I.P, Son of Wolfsbane, 86+ years old (Touchy Subject!).

DISTINGUISHING FEATURES -

Stance, Beard, Brick-on-a-stick, inane grin, tendency to walk into things he didn’t see (like walls, castles and the bar).

OCCUPATION - Chief Incantor of the McYokels, High Incantor of the Bears, Voice of the Ancestors, King of the Stance.

FAVOURITE COLOUR - McYokel Tartan (yeah – we know it’s not a Colour but he insisted! - Ed).

FAVOURITE THINGS - Beer, Fights, Women, Singing, Dancing, Foaming, at the mouth, Betsy and embroidery.

LEAST FAVOURITE THINGS - Unliving, Empty Tankards, washing kilts, underwear (he says it’s the invention of Sâtun in order to hold back the power of the Celtic people- LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION! –Ed), range headbutts, fading eyesight.

WOULD MOST LIKE TO SHARE A DESERT ISLAND WITH ... Lord Severhead (and a wide selection of unpleasant instruments), Women (in general) and an everlasting flagon of ale.

WOULD LEAST LIKE TO SHARE A DESERT ISLAND WITH ... Maar the faceless, The Abomination, no beer, no women, any unliving and….(yeah, shut up Yargon – Ed).

LEAST ENDEARING QUALITY – The Stance, inane grins, tendency to foam at the mouth when introduced to anything he doesn’t like and walking into things.

HOBBIES - Fighting, Drinking, tarting, singing, dancing, grinning, stancing and twatting unliving.

Just a few days ago I had the interesting experience of meeting The Ambassador to Maar the Faceless. I did this as a Bear loyal to the Queenies, besides Craggle ordered me to!

This is the first installment of that interview, subsequent installments will be in future editions of the Bull.

It was a cold wet morning not far from the banks of Loch Tay that I met the Ambassador to conduct this interview.

A fine morning Ambassador.

Let’s just get on with it shall we!

No, I work for Maar the Faceless now, not the three Queens.

I currently work for Maar the Faceless, so most of what I do, but not all, is done in my professional capacity as his ambassador. However I am what I always was, a mercenary. I work for the highest bidder, if someone can make me an offer better than I am currently getting from Maar the Faceless, I will take it.

Of course I have a great deal of free time, and I chose to spend that free time with those friends I still have. Regrettably the actions of those who wish to see me destroyed make that difficult sometimes.

I feel the same regard and affection for my friends that I have always felt. When I spoke at the Open Grand Council I was distraught to discover that so many of those I cared for, did not share my feelings. Fortunately, enough still do, to make this existence worth while.

Since then, I have had opportunities to speak with many of those I looked on as friends, and I have found acceptance from those willing to listen. Sadly some of those who were closest to me, like Orenda, have talked without ever really listening, seeking instead ways to twist my words to find a reason to hate me. Others, like Yargon, have refused to talk at all, and have attacked me outright. Violence from those who never met me I can accept, but hatred from friends is more painful than any battle wound.

I do not fear the destruction that my enemies wish to give me. I have gambled my life for a handful of coins too many times to worry about being slain.

My greatest fear now is that the hatred of those friends I still care about and respect, like Bronwyn and Betty McYokel, will make me the abomination they claim they believe I am.

For one thing I am grateful, as a mercenary I thought too little of the worth of friendship. Now that I have barely enough coin to buy it from anyone, I find myself prizing it more highly than ever I did in life. Those who would harm my friends would do well to remember that.

While rummaging around in me pile of old submissions I came across these from Halibut…. Enjoy his views…….

Firstly, I would like to stress that this is in no way directed at certain members of the Bears Faction. But if I don’t get the money by the time I’ve finished writing, I will mention Nobby and The Old Invincibles.

Damn……

Well, lets face it, why should anyone listen to their lectures on armour wearing wimps when they are fully paid up members of the Big Wenches Blouse gang? Just a teensy bit hypocritical don’t you think? As Denzil says, a few hours of head butting shield walls might get them out of it. Then again, maybe they’re too far-gone. They’ll be trying to pass of full plate as acceptable for Clan elders next.

You don’t see Faeries like Ash, Tufty and me (honorary fey) prancing around in armour do you? We may use magic, but at least we aren’t foil wrapped.

Something to consider at their next Battle council……

Love Halibut, the Abusive

P.S. Ash for Mages guild leader

My, that’s a big one!

Love Halibut, the Impressed

Half a second at Mage Bolt 3 cooks them a treat.

Love Halibut, the Can I have seconds please?

When I first arrived I needed something to quench my thirst after the long journey and was amazed that I actual found the bar straight away, I must be getting better at this scouting thing!

After I managed to get my tankard filed with ale I walked thorough to see the Bride and Groom (Lady Agnes & Hagar). They both were in quite a good mood. After about half an hour or so we had some problems outside with Goblins but we soon sorted them out.

During this night I heard several rumours from assignations to Lady Agnes being pregnant with a baby that is definitely not Hagars! The last one Hagar took to heart and stormed out of the Wedding, I was not surprised. Thomas Finn turned up as well to give the bride away, Yargon and all us incantors tried again to form a wedge but to no avail but we did get some unliving during the night which simply got blown away, by sword or by spell. A few more things happened that evening with some fae including Eltha McFey but I can not remember much……

Teran….

Despite his commitments fighting the Pendragon it would seem that Mordred, emmissary of Chaos, found time to pursue an active social life. Unaided by either Sporan of Fertility or safety net the master if disorder apparently managed to conceive hiers by both Dalishandra of the Tarantulas and the Old Invincibles' own Lady Agnes. Marriage to either lady seems unlikely whilst Mordred remains bound within the Tome of Air but being a bastard himself this probably doesn't worry him ... the children may however look a bit stange taking the book to school for parents' evenings.

Unconfirmed rumours have reached the Bull that members of the Incantor's Guild may well have been implicated in a previously unimaginable incident ... it is suspected that they may possibly have destroyed some unliving ! Despite a defiant effort by the token Mages Guild Guard, Yargon and Blondie managed to sneak up on a few errant ancestors and send them on their way. Emboldened by this early success they proceeded to chase around a couple of innocent bystanders ( including Mangus Manguson ) who they mistook for ghosts, and even found the courage to shout a bit at Thomas Finn. They denied rumours that their attempt to " wedge " Morrigan's former lover simply involved pulling up his underpants sharply.

As the combined forces of Law and the Unliving gather in Caledonia offers of aid have come from an unexpected source. The McYokels' own druid and bard were seen in negotiation with Lord Aventa of the Seelie fae who had left his wood to find why High-Mage Taziel Moondancer had tried to chop down a sacred tree. After some discussion the Lord was taken to speak with Lady Agnes of the Weaponsmiths and Armourers and it is understood that he offered to aid mortal forces against the Gashariim. Such aid would be conditional on the Weaponsmiths ceasing production of the " Blood Metal " (cold-forged iron) and the movement of the Inverkeithing Guild House further from the afore-mentioned sacred tree. Supporters of this plan have call for anyone who'd like to see the Gashariim get twatted by a horde of squeakies to nag the Weaponsmiths and Armourers until they give in.

There was much relief today (particularly from Mr Turnip) that Chaos Harlequin McYokel has been saved from the machinations of the Daughters of Poseidon. The unfortunate village idiot was almost killed by a deadly (if slow acting) poison after Ash grassed him up as holding rank within the Musicians and Entertainers. His watery assailants blamed guild-leader Trevaine of Mercia for the loss of their lord's flute and gave Chaos two months to live unless the instrument was returned to them. Thanks to the skilled negotiotiation of Yargon McYokel and Dai McTaff the oceanic villans relented and provided an antidote to their toxin without receiving the flute.

I won’t 2 B Leeder Ov The stormbulls Becoz …..

1/ If I hadunt been bady sitting we wood hav won.

2/ I’ve got a Big Claymore.

3/ I’ve got new Red Bloomers.

4/ I am Hard.

5/ Piglets R fierce and Scary.

6/ I hav good battle planz like… CHARGE !

7/ Go on, U wont regret it.

8/ Let me, go on.

9/ If U don’t I’ll ztart a big ugly brawl and if you do, I’ll start a big ugly brawl.

10/ If yoo doo I promise not 2 B good !

11/ Nettle O’Soup ‘l get a good beating until she iz sorry and zo will the Unicorns and anywun else I don’t like much.

Would any of our readers be willing to give Willy Walker of the Old Invincibles suffcient training to earn him membership of the guild of Musicians and Entertainers. Being a qualified entertainer has always been an ambition of young Willy's and it would be a nice Solstice present for this loyal servant of Caledonia.

Caledonia's patron animal, the haggis is a small, routund rodent. It is prized as a delicacy in any part of the country where they can catch one and is usually served with whiskey. The creature now known as haggis is actually the " highland " haggis ... the slower, lowland variety was however hunted to near extinction earlier this century ; only a few examples remain in captivity.

Across Caledonia's inhospitable mountain regions there live a variety of different sheep. Over recent years the traditional caledonia " Irate Bastard " has been forced to compete for grazing land with breeds from Cymrija (borrowed by Clan McTaff when they emigrated), Albion (stolen by Clan McSnaga) and Erin (liberated from the Formorians by our glorious navy). Rumour even has it that some richer McTaffs have gone so far as to have high-class ewes imported from Lyonesse specially.

Famed across the Known World for its boring conversational manner and bad-haircut is the Highland Cow. Imortalised on the Clan McYokel's shields, many of Albion's finest have been smashed in the face by the image of prime caledonian beef. In recent years the cattle's reputation has been tarnished by rumours of " Mad Celt Disease " ; a contagion that some cows have contracted from goring infected clansmen. Farmers in nearby Albion are alleged to have called for an ban on the export of caledonian clansmen in order to protect their own herds.

Dedicated to Queen Morrigan, the Stormbulls are allegedly amongst Caledonia's finest warriors. Their natural habitat is the public house but they may sometimes be found in gutters, brothels or kebab-shops closeby. Stormbulls are distinguishable from other drunks by the red markings across their bodies, and their poor table-manners. If threatened by one it is suggested that you attempt to distract it with alcohol and run whilst it is otherwise occupied.

For many generations tales have told of an untamable beast living in or around Caledonia's deepest loch. The creature is supposedly extremely old and possessed of considerable magical power. Whilst its diet it alleged to consist primarily of carrots it has been know to attack larger creatures (particularly Harts) for sport. Despite it's terrible reputation, locals have come to think kindly of the beast and have nicknamed it "Joshy".

Although not strictly wildlife, certain factions within caledonian politics ( i.e. Chaos Harlequin McYokel ) are currently campaigning to have the humble turnip reclassified. The central argument in favour of such action appears to be that Mr Turnip currently possesses more guild-rank than Caledonia's 1st-army. Avowed vegetable haters such as Gumboro of the Old Invicibles warn that such a decision could lead to violence between turnip and anti-turnip groups.

While at the Vipers Parliament Baron Connel Ericson of the hearts, an’ a good friend to Editor McYokel was Brutally Murdered by the Clan Mcewan of the Lions. Even though the Murderer was executed, his clan stole the body and he may have been restored to health. The description of the man matches Craggles Kilt thief……

The McYokel Bull can not brake the Gathering treaty but we see why the heart want him dead !

Owe condolences on the Hearts loss.

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