Bears Take Moots by Storm !

Unquestionably the social event of 1097 so far ; the Bear's moot started in Pitlochry and ended a week later in Lyonesse after a riotous pub-crawl that has thrown Erdreja into a state of war ! Representatives of a dozen clans drunk, fought, tarted, sung, stole, kidnapped and insulted their way across the Known World and the McYokel Bull was right there to tell you what happenned. 

The Battles Rockholm

Above and below the floor

Rockholm is a town that sits on three borders, Caledonia, Cymru and Albion. It is a mining town and its location makes it of interest to most factions. On the Friday night there was much talking. The Bears turned their eyes to the Garrison at Rockholm so that we might better defend our borders, the Unicorns saw the opportunity for a profitable trade route, and undoubtedly the other factions had their own interests in the town. But despite this the mood was friendly and people from all over the lands sat down and drank together. On the Saturday I spent much time with a group of my friends exploring the mines at Rockholm. They were full of some very unsavoury creatures and on our first expedition we lost a member of our party, Brendel of the Hoc died of some undead disease. The following day was our final attempt to clear the mines and win the favour of the people of Rockholm. The fighting was fierce but we won in the end. Each faction played a part in clearing the mines, but due to the attitudes of some of the people gathered there, the only faction to gain was the Unicorns. They were allowed their trade route whilst the people of Rockholm remained independent.

Goblin Army gets Kicked ….Again!

After their previous successes the faction went forth to meet the goblins once more; this time to rescue the 5 heroes missing since they helped Thomas Finn to his victory at Pitlochry. With 2 of the McYokel's ritualists amongst the missing Yargon's mentor and teacher, Mystic Matt, left his research to help Rowan teleport the troops to Ash's location ... only a few hundred paces from their starting point! After fighting their way through several waves of goblins, orcs, ogres, ratmen, troll and even minotaurs, Yargon and Ash were spotted amongst the goblin troop; transformed into ratmen by evil potions. With typical subtlety the Bears decided to solve the problem by stabbing their High Incantor and Royal Bard repeatedly with silver weapons. Thinking quickly Aaron, Teran and incantors from the Invincibles joined in prayers of sanctuary to prevent the captives bleeding to death. Meanwhile the Exiles powered up the ritual circle where Mystic Matt joined Queen Morrigan, the Grandmaster, Tal Falcon and others to disenchant the evil magic that both transformed the prisoners and prevented them being healed. Sadly the pair's return was marred by the death of chiefy Nobby McYokel, warchief of the Bears, at the hands of an assassin whilst his clansmen fought for their lives. Nobby was buried with full honours and the blessing of the Queenies but before his soul left for the other world it spoke with the High Incantor and named Denzil as the Clan McYokel's new chieftain.

Unicorns Betray Rockholme!

As drinking commenced and news was shared it became clear that we were not going to be able to tolerate much more from the Unicorns faction. Only a few months previously they had won the support of the people of Rockholme on the Caledonian/Cymrjan border, but as the goblin army approached Unicorn troops fled to the safety of Loch Tay and left the populace to their fate. Luckily, thanks to the quick thinking of Thomas Finn and Roo McPooh, the Bears' First Army was able to reach Rockholme and reinforce it in time. Jealous of Finn's heroic victory and dashing good looks, Lord Severedhead of the Unicorns had the Invincible's leader brutally murdered and hired bumbling assassins to kill chiefy McPooh. Although sadly no one could save Thomas Finn, the only person hurt by the second group of assassins was Rory McTwatum (who probably didn't notice anyway -Ed), and Lord Fairfax was on hand to deal with the guilty man.

Malice Attacks the Bears

Between the McYokels & the McPoohs While at the Bears Moot, I mysteriously found a person heading away from the Ritual circle on the first night. On requesting his business there, I was frightened and ran for no reason that I can explain. On my second attempt to try and communicate I actually heard him speak!!! He introduced himself as Malice and he said that he had come to claim the airs of the McYokels and the McPoohs. At this everyone that had gathered around tried to find out why. Again I was frightened away, to my knowledge I was getting to close to the truth !!!! A fool then tried to keep him occupied while I ran for help, I found the McPoohs as I knew Denzil was away on a mission. On returning to the creature with Tigger and some of the McPoohs, I became suddenly friendly towards him and had the urge to just kill the fool. Luckily Breaca, Tigger and Bronwyn from the Old Invincibles managed to hold me back and cast a spell to put me to asleep. On coming around, I apologised for my behaviour, as I did not know why I tried it! In the end we managed to get rid of Malice, this was Tigger's doing, by giving him a big kiss to show that there was nothing wrong between the McYokels and the McPoohs. He then disappeared into the night never to be heard of again that weekend. Teran.

McPookels Born!!

The McYokel Bull is proud to announce the birth of 3 girls and 1 boy to Tigger McPooh and Denzil McYokel. Early reports indicate that the boy will be named Hamish Nobby McPookel in honour of his late ancestors, however it's not yet clear what Tigger will be calling the girls. Unconfirmed rumour has it that Denzil wishes to name them Winchester, Gloucester and Bristol ... to remind him what he promised each of them for their 18th birthdays!

Other News

CRIME ON THE INCREASE

Violent crime appeared to be on the increase in Lyonesse. The Unicorns reported that someone had stolen their Staff of Magebolts, whilst Mephisto McSnaga was mugged for Lord Setune's charisma (which the Tartan mage was allegedly carrying around with him). A spokesperson for Clan McSnaga denied that they were looking to acquire Ellias Karlennon's charm instead, saying that Mephisto is simply not perceptive enough to find it. Worst of all, in a crime so base that even Master Indigo would think twice about it, some evil pervert made off with Craggle's kilt ! With the help of Mavis McPooh, Craggle successfully demand the kilt back from the Unicorns, whilst the rest of the faction had a barbeque around the Unicorn's gate.

More too come…..

I told ya in the Feb issue that there would be more later from me….. Well see the next page for the rest from the Dripping Porker complements of owe new chiefy ! Teran…

RITUAL CIRCLES FEARED UNSAFE

There was much condemnation of the dubious safety record of the Ritual Transport Circles. Criticism came after reports that Wraith Buchannan met with a fatal accident whilst on a routine trip out of the Ritual of Peace with a few old friends. A spokesperson for the Ritualists' Guild denied that they'd been having problems with the Pattern Buffers.

Denzil's Rowdy Tavern Guide

Part 5

The Unicorn Trade Fair,

The Bar on Grynd Island. The first thing that you notice on arrival at Grynd Island is that the bar there ha no beer, in fact it doesn't have anything! Bit of a poor show from the Unicorns, though having offered to share a drink with many of the Unicorns, I can see that as they are all [apart from a few we know -Ed] money grabbing gits, that a bar wouldn't be able to make any money on the island from members of the Unicorn Faction. However it could make money from the visitors except they would get charged stupid export tax on any beer they were planning on taking with them regardless of whether they had drunk it already or not. So the Unicorns get a poor score of one Claymoor, oh sorry can't pay the tax on that, it'll have to just be a half Claymoor out of 5. However never let it be said that the McYokels need a bar to be able to enjoy themselves. As it was the campsite itself needs a special rating for the two main areas of drinking. First & quickest was the Droo camp, which had a very warm dark atmosphere, and a very nice & potent brew (incidentally this brew was made by a fey who was with the droo and not by the droo themselves, see earlier Bulls for reports on the Droo drinking habits) of a strange and slightly chaotic mulled mead and wine combination. Getting a respectable 3 Claymoors out of 5 cause we were able to get to the fights nearby quickly. Secondly was the shared camp of ourselves and our very close friends and drinking partners the McPoohs. The McYokel drinking tent could have just been a part of the Queens Arms, the beer was our own and young Ash had brought along a very sweet and deceptive drink, which he called "Hanged cats blood" and "Tear of Droo", but what we all called bloody nice, which was very popular all around. As for general rowdiness the songs were sung in full force and the McPoohs gave renditions of their own songs. So our campsite gets a travelling 4 out of 5 Claymoors, losing one point form have to find my beer when we ran out!

Rumours, Rumours, Rumours….

In this part of the world there is a lot of ear say around, sometimes things are said or even over heard. One gossip at the moment, that is going around is that our new Chiefy, Denzil McYokel, had something to do with his fathers death as he was the only person standing in his way to becoming The Leader of the Pack [My god the McLooneys are back again, look just go away I am trying to do some work - Ed] ….. More news, New (possibly) guilds that have been heard of, include:-

If you find any news on these, please see your local librarian or send it to the Editor of the Bull! Rumour have been circling now for a few days that Denzil, the new chief of the clan McYokel will not be producing anymore Tavern Guides and that he has had to grow up ! Could this be true or is it going to be business as usual? News just in ……Is there something going on between Caitlin and Flipper as there seems to be a lot of whispers going around at the moment or is it just the children playing ????

Raven O'donnells Favourite Recipes

Welcome to a selection of the Raven O'Donnell cookbook. The first recipe I would like to share with you is a very Tasty one I picked up on my travels.

Droo Stew

Well I'd like to share this recipe with ya but every time I put a Drow in a pan it keeps jumping out and running away…. Bloody Typical! [Ya could always subsitute a Hart or Unicorn for the drow in this recipe though, but ya better twat them first!!! - Ed] Anyway, moving on to one of my Mommies recipes -

Irish Stew

1. Trim the meat and cut into even pieces. Place in a saucepan, cover with water, Boil, add salt and simmer for ½ an hour.
2. Add the herbs and cut potatoes into even pieces.
3. Add all the veg except the potatoes and the shallots and simmer for 30 mins.
4. Add potatoes veg and Barley and simmer for another 30 mins.
5. Correct the seasoning.
6. Serve with a sprinkle of Parsley and some bread and Butter.

Hope you enjoy ya meal. Love Raven. Ps. A note to the Editor, I Do Not kill people with my cooking. It's when they eat it they're in trouble!

Roo McPooh & How she became Chiefy

The Hundred Akre wood is a land of incredible contradictions. A native and a mysterious beauty to these parts, indeed a creature of contradictions herself is Roo. Roo can generally be found unconsciously bewitching males of every species with her enormous dark eyes and feathery lashes then slapping and kicking him when he follows her around. She can not abide weakness in males or is it just males in general? I can just hear her now, "Woman's Prerogative Darling" One day Roo was idly catching butterflies, the wood was humming with work of a late summer day, the trees wittered slowly and contentedly. Fairies lazing in the sunshine dappled clearings pinched each other and stamped on unsuspecting busy ants. All was pleasantly normal until Roo, who had not wanted to help her, heard foreign hoofsteps. They were light but determined and certainly it was not an animal she knew. She hid behind a gnarly old tree and instantly wished she had not, for this tree was an infamous old pervert and kept brushing himself against her. The steps thundered into the clearing, there was a white horse with eyes wild and green. Seated on top of this enormous mare sat the most beautiful and terrifying woman Roo had ever seen. She seemed to be searching for something with spooky opaque turquoise eyes. Roo was as fierce and brave as a terrier. She threw a bee sting dart to provoke a reaction. The woman casually brushed it out of her shimmering armour and whispered in a voice so icy and vibrating, it felt like it almost stopped time. "Roo, there you are! I have been searching for you for days. I am ready to teach you. I have seen you from my island and your raw spirit pleases me. Do you remember that time you castrated the baby goblin and laughed when his parents rejected him, I saw that, I see everything. I will train you and give you a purpose. I will give you minds to protect and fight alongside. Come now" "You have got to be bloody joking" shouted Roo with hands on her hips and her chest pushed out in her most impressive manner. "I will not go with you now or ever, whoever you are, peeping Tom, Dick or Harry". With that the woman jumped from her horse in a single movement as swift as the wind and bundled Roo onto her horse punching and kicking. "I am Scafac, you will come with me". When Roo arrived at Scafac's island the air was somehow different from that she had known before and it made her see clearly. She was taught to channel her cunning, use her beauty and fight better than any man (Not difficult hey girls?)[You might have to prove that though Roo - Ed]. She became Roo McPooh, Chiefy, Chiefy of the Clan McPooh. With other specially selected members of her clan, themselves Machiavellian natives of the fearsome hundred akre wood, except Mavis but that is another story, all set out to find Christopher Robin. Christopher Robin, as all McPoohs know, is the only man forth finding. Roo can be kind and benevolent but has a fearsome temper leaving bodies in her wake and souls in torment. …Piglet

Uncle Yargon's Problem Page

Dear Uncle Yargon, Once I was a respected leader of men but now everyone thinks I'm a pompous nobody with appalling dress-sense and worse sense of humour. I have no honour, my troops couldn't beat a unit of schoolgirls and I have to run grovelling to the Harts and the Lions every time someone is nasty to me. Please tell me what can I do to make people like me? Yours Pathetic of Erdreja Dear Lord Severhead, Have you considered suicide ? It's got to be better than toadying to the Lions ! Dear Uncle Yargon, I seem to have lost something in Battle but I can not seem to see what has gone. Can ya help ? Cook of the McYokels Dear Chef, Well, what can I say but….. It was an "I" you fool!

WEDDING SEASON

Sordelan (head of the Scouts Guild) asked Yargon's permission to court his ward Rowan. Yargon consented but rumour has it that Rowan herself is not as enthusiastic. There was equally little sign of the arranged marriage between chiefy Stephen O'Donnell and Caitlin McYokel. Reports claim that Caitlin was somewhat distressed, but Uncle Yargon was always on hand to offer a shoulder to cry on. Meanwhile the Grandmaster and Master White were refused entry to Lord Rhino's betrothal party when guards announced that their names weren't on the list! This didn't stop the Bears and Vipers going along en masse to make as much noise as possible. Rumour has it that there were actually 2 Lions and a Tarantula around one of the fires at one point! Guests also celebrated the wedding of the incorporeal Ninetides. Denzil lent him the Sporran of Fertility (woof!) for the night however it's not yet clear how he managed to wear it without a body!

On behalf of the Clan McYokel is proud to extend An Open Invitation to the celebrate:- The Marriages in the Bears Of

Caitlin McYokel to Stephen O'Donnell

And

Rock O'Donnell to ?

And the Birthday of Teran & Flipper McYokel

Everynight at the Gathering. All (except Unliving and Demons) Welcome Bring a bottle (as if we need to tell you!)

A Note to all

Raven O'Donnell is pleased to announce his engagement to Drew Drow-O'Donnell. Drew was abandoned by her tribe as a baby because she was Albino (White skin, Black hair). She was left on my Uncles farm and raised by my cousin Rock O'Donnell. I would like you to give her a big welcome into not only the Clan, but also the Bears Faction, of which she became a proud member on the 15th Day of the 7th month in this year of 1097. I write this with love for my Drew and with thanks to ya all, my fellow clansmen and Bears. Raven O'Donnell

This Paper was brought to you by Editor McYokel With Contributions by: Denzil McYokel Teran McYokel Ash McYokel (Mst Whitish) Piglet McPooh Raven O'Donnell

OOC Pages !!!

Storm Bulls

Just to remind anyone (of any clan) who wishes to join the Storm Bulls. The correct uniform is simply A RED TRIM ADDED TO YOUR SASH (in the McTaffs case this will probably look horrible). As usual, spellcasters and Incantors need not apply. Also In order to be able to work out distribution of rank, items and power (where available) we need to know who is (or wants to be) a member. Would members or prospective members please send a contact address and rough character details to Denzil care of ...

(... cos Denzil is moving house fairly soon and may not get anything you post to his address.)

This Newspaper is A Private Production and is no way linked to LT.

It contains any info about up and coming events as well as reports on past events. 

Address to contact if you would like to contribute to the paper all contributions will be welcome not only from clan members:

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