On the 15^th of the third month in 1097, the Clan McPooh attended the McYokel feast of the homecoming. We were warmly welcomed by Chiefy Nobby and Rowan McYokel. The McPoohs were reunited upon this night after the absence of Chiefy Roo McPooh, who had spent time in consultation with our mentor Scafac.

Of course this occasion necessitated much quaffing of ale, (party mode). We took this opportunity to meet our fellow clans and allies. We were particularly impressed with Barking McLooney and his peculiar greetings and the pre-dinner conversation of a certain camp moustachioed elf, with a passion for buggering goblins, and the rest of the illustrious company of Caledonia’s finest.

The evening was rudely interrupted by a bunch of marauding goblins. However their attempts to wreck our celebrations proved futile as they were quickly dispatched by our most valiant warriors and our huge ovaries !!! The Famorian was a bit scary too but Lord Wraith (what a cutey) put him in his place. The goblins demise meant that much feasting and joviality could ensure. This we embarked upon with great enthusiasm, killing Goblins is thirsty work !! The ceremonial cutting of the haggis by Chiefy Chiefy high tar of the McYokels was done with suitable decorum. The lovely Queens also gave thanks in a few announcements including the birth of the Blodwyn’s baby. The Clan McPooh were proud to have various honours bestowed upon us, namely our Tigger given the grandiose title of Royal

Belcher of Caledonia. Roo proved her prowess and bravery upon the battlefield, Piglet practised her powers of seduction and succeeded in putting Lord Wraith in his place and also helped constructively to battle strategy by planning a picnic with the Morrigan in the throws of the conflict. Tigger was also surprised to learn that in-fact she is bearing not only three wee bairns but FOUR as predicted by the Blodwyn, our dressmakers are furiously stitching in order to accommodate this news.

Our many thanks to our gracious hosts for their excellent hospitality and for a marvellous night.

When we went to the McYokel big party, there was Raify (Lord Wraith I think she means - Editors comment) buggered up by a big ugly Famorian. I dun a rime for him….

There was lots of haggis and big Jobs but I couldn’t tell the difference.

Thanks You Rowan and Boys

Love Love Love Love

Joshua McTay (The Violet Mage) is said to be looking distinctly orange ... although it could have something to do with the carrots ... furry ones.

Callum McLoony (The Orange Mage) isn't looking the least bit violet, although he is rather red in the face after a recent night of debauchery.

.... and that concludes the voting for Norway.

Up the Celts !

6 foot tall William Wallace of the Clan McShagum, Big Willy to his friends, is off to pick a fight and there is no truth in the rumour that he breathes fire through his arse !

Chief Jelly Eater, Mangus Mangusssonsson is possessed ... and loving it !

It is rumoured that all the McYokel women stay home and just sew and cook. However this is not true! They stand with us on the battle field as well as in our homes…..

As you can see by the next detailed drawing even our Chiefy Nobby McYokel lends a dab hand in with the cooking…!!!

One reporter actually managed to get hold of some of Nobby’s home made chilly, which was a god send as it was so good that it went as soon as it was made!!!!!

Number 1 ………. Where do carrots come from ?

Well, alright …. Carrots grow in the ground ; but how do they get into little bowls on Joshua McTay’s table ?

Few people know, but carrots are remarkably resistant to magic (have you ever tried shattering one?) and can’t be harvested by any sort of fancy means - instead you have to use traditional methods. Every couple of weeks, under close supervision from Betty, the younger McYokels gather carrots from miles around and take them by the basket-load around Loch Tay to the tower. In accordance with ancient agreement Joshua McTay then pays the clan 14 carrots for their services (that’s inflation for you!).

We asked the younger clansmen just how many carrots were at the Open Grand Council this year. They said …

(Denzil) "Mor thun I can cownt"

(Chaos) "Er……… I got a turnip"

(Halibut) "DUCKS!"

(Ash) "You can **** right off if you think I’m counting carrots all ****ing day !"

So now you know ! Isn’t that fascinating ?

Many forced their way through the thinly scattered forces of the Harts into the original enemy left rear. As they pulled back towards the left flank of the battlefield, Thomas Finn approached Sir Hugo Charenton and asked his permission for the remnants of the Bears to leave the field with their arms peacefully. This he granted on behalf of the Harts. Both sides realised that the field was ours as the Bears had given up hope of carrying the day. Few in the Bears had suffered in the fighting but had become dispersed upon the onslaught in the rear from the Harts.

Uncle Yargons Problem Page

Dear Uncle Yargon,

I have a slight problem with my sense of direction as I keep getting lost. Do you have any cures for this curse?

Scout Of the McYokels

Dear Teran,

As you know too much incantoring can make you go blind. I would recommend you ease off on the rituals and stick near the bar, as you seem to always end up there anyway!

Dear Uncle Yargon,

Everyone seems to want to marry me off to one of the Crazy, sex mad, looney Irish O’Donnells. What can you suggest to help in this matter.

Dear Caitlin,

Well, what can I say…. You will have to just get as crazy as he is. Also we may have to lend you The Sporran of Fertility….. WOOF!!!!

Some of the clan enjoying a bit of ale with a song or two

The above picture as you can see, is some of the clan at the Unicorns Trade Fair entertaining while eating, drinking and being merry. This was at the feast on the last day of the Fair, which this reporter must say was not really as good as the feast of Home coming, but seeming there was trouble with Bankruptcy I was not surprised.

In the last issue we ran a story mistakenly implying that the border between Caledonia and Albion is somewhere near McSnaga territory. The border’s rightful location is, of course, actually somewhere near Winchester. We apologise sincerely for any confusion this may have caused and hope any damage has been rectified.

This Paper was brought to you by Editor McYokel

With Contributions by:

What the McYokels did next !

In early April it became known that 2 huge Goblin Armies were marching across Caledonia; 1 towards the prosperous trade port of Dunroben and the other towards the small town of Pitchety and Queen Ceridwen. A vote by Wraith’s war council resulted in many clans sending their troops to Dunroben and leaving the Ceridwen to fend for her-self. Thomas Finn disagreed and assigned the Old Invincibles to march on Pitchety…. He appealed for the McYokels and McPoohs to do likewise.

As a result of these events Nobby and Denzil led the McYokels to defend Pitchety (where they’re currently stationed). The exceptions are Yargon, Ash, Rowan and Chaos who went to represent the clan at the Convocation of Guilds; arriving near Pitchety by ritual circle as soon afterwards as possible. Although we expect to defeat the goblins, if any McYokels don’t attend the Gathering it may well be because of their death in battle now.

The McTaffs and O’Donnells were not assigned to defend either city and should choose which (if any) they are fighting at !!!!!

Could we also take the time to thank everyone that helped with the Feast of Homecoming and a wish of good luck to Lord Wraith’s Hunting Weekend…. Unfortunately could not find information for this event in time for printing.

Blessing be upon you

From the Bull Team

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